Enneagram Threes | Thriving at Work and Home

Welcome to the fourth episode of the Nine Types Spring Series. This episode is dedicated to learning all about the Enneagram Three!

You will want to listen to each episode of this series if you know your Enneagram Type or are beginning your personality discovery journey! You will also want to share this special 9-part series so that your friends and family can learn about the Enneagram and maybe figure out their personality Type. Best of all if you listen to learn about each Type it will really help you know how to strengthen your relationships no matter their Type. Whether you are married, raising kids, or working with others, chances are that you are interacting with all the Nine Enneagram personalities! 

Past episodes about Enneagram Threes:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/229-women-who-write-2022-guest-april-nicole-scipio/id1216920050?i=1000548861701

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/finding-the-one-true-light-enneagram-three-couple/id1216920050?i=1000542704464

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-simple-difference-this-holiday-season-becky-keife/id1216920050?i=1000541128368

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stop-the-broken-record-a-conversation-with-pastor/id1216920050?i=1000538275726

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-better-mom-system-with-enneagram-three-laura-hernandez/id1216920050?i=1000526273204

https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/simply-wholehearted-podcast/id1216920050?i=1000495337696

Amy's Enneagram Momprenuer Guide free PDF found here!

Take the new Enneagram Quiz here!

Follow Amy on IG
Amy's Website

The Enneagram can name your patterns. It can't set you free from them. That's the difference between insight and transformation, and it's the whole focus of this summit.

Learn more, check out the speakers & get your free seat!

https://www.simplywholehearted.com/wholehearted-2026

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 1:41

Hi, I'm Amy Wicks, a Jesus and Enneagram enthusiast. As a wife, mama of three humans, and a fur baby, I get it. Juggling entrepreneurship in a family is challenging. But I believe the Lord does want your work to be enjoyable. As an Enneagram type 7, I am all about the fun factor. And this podcast is here to help you put the joy back into working mom life. So you can see 1 Timothy 6.17 come to pass in your own thing. It's a verse that says that God has given us all things to enjoy. All friends, it means all. Motherhood, work from home life, or work out of the home life. With the Lord's help, there's truly a way to feel calm, balance, joy, clarity, and peace in any arena of life. Welcome to the Simply Wholehearted Podcast, where you can expect solo-style and interview-style episodes that are full of faith-based concepts, simple ideas, Enneagram insights, alongside practical tips to help you put that smile back on your face when it comes to doing life with Jesus. Now get your headphones and head to that big pile of dishes in the sink, or maybe that bathroom that needed cleaning two weeks ago. And let's get to learning together. I think you'll also want to share the special nine part series so that way your friends and family can also learn about the Enneagram, and maybe they'll even figure out their personality type. And best of all, if you listen to learn about each type, it is really going to help you know how to strengthen the relationships that you have, no matter what their Enneagram type is. So whether you're married, raising kids, or working with others, chances are you're gonna need to know the information about all nine Enneagram personalities. And have you heard this well-kept Enneagram secret? You are able to utilize character traits of all nine types because you are made in God's image, and the triune nature of God is all the nine types and more. You can reflect God's nature and his character traits too, when you're living as a beloved child of our heavenly King. I promise that Scripture would not tell you to be an imitator of Christ if it wasn't possible. So listen in to see what positive attributes you can learn about each Enneagram type. All of the episodes this spring series will spotlight one Enneagram number, and we're gonna do a deep dive in less than 30 minutes, or at least right at 30 minutes. I'm gonna share things like a checklist of the typical attributes, what that personality type looked like as a child, core traits, how to understand what is healthy and what is not, and I even throw in workplace and parenting tips. And I think what the best part of all, or at least maybe one of the most beneficial aspects of these episodes, is I share with you about how each type, how that type connects with all the types. And in addition to all of those goodness, I've added a fun illustration with a little bit of story to make this journey even more fun. Now, if you're part of my wholehearted Enneagram community, then you've probably gotten your copy of my Enneagram Guidebook for moms. It's the Enneagram Guidebook for moms who desire to thrive in their faith, family, and business. If you haven't gotten your copy yet, just use the link in the show notes or head to simply wholehearted.com to get your free copy. You can gain even more understanding of your type's strengths, weaknesses, and the small pivots that you can make today. Okay, are you ready to dive in all about the Enneagram 3? First up are 10 common traits of an Enneagram 3. Number one, you are aware of what success looks like for you and for others. Number two, you enjoy the spotlight, and it's not often you would shy away from recognition. Number three, motivating others brings you joy. Number four, you strive to be the best in most facets of life. Number five, you thrive with competition, even if it's just competing with yourself. Number six, you aim to appear poised and confident. Number seven, recognition for your success brings you a lot of satisfaction. Number eight, you try not to let anything slow you down, even sickness. Number nine, you are very focused on completing your tasks for a feeling of accomplishment. And number ten, you believe that efficiency is always the best way, even if it's not perfect. Now, did you nod your head to most of these traits? Or did a person or two come to mind that fit this description? If yes, you might be an Enneagram three or know someone who is. And here's one of the most essential facts about the Enneagram that you need to know before we go any further today. The Enneagram typology identifies motivations, not outward behavior. And yes, there are common character traits or behavior patterns of each personality type. But the question to ask yourself is what is the motivation behind the action? Or what is my core fear, longing, desire behind your conduct? Now, you and I, well, we might have pursued the same things in life. Maybe you found your soulmate, you started a family, and even have a thriving business. But most likely, we probably have different motivations behind our actions. And if you haven't heard this illustration before, this idea illustrates that we might do the same actions, but we have different motivations. So if all nine types were stuck in an elevator, each person they'll probably react the same way. They might pull out their phone, you might get emotional, and begin yelling for help. But the reason or motivation behind their action would be different. With this important foundation laid about the Enneagram typology, here are some core motivations attributed to the Enneagram 3. An Enneagram 3 desires to feel valuable and worthy. This personality tends to come across as competitive or indifferent if they feel defeat is inevitable. By definition, a type 3's drive to win comes from their inner desire to prove themselves successful. If they convey detachment or seem disinterested in competition, they are most likely trying to discern how they might relate or guide those they will lead for a successful outcome. A three is also motivated by the need to be productive, to achieve success, and avoid failure. They often measure their value by the approval of others from their accomplishments or achievements. Threes ache to feel worthwhile and to be seen as valuable. This propels them to an ongoing drive to achieve whatever they set their hearts to, and it develops their ability to advance their notions of success. When a type three is healthy and living as the beloved of Christ, they use their ability to achieve to empower others' goals and dreams. And when a three is experiencing emotional and spiritual health, instead of being a chameleon and going with the crowd, they become more authentic. This way of living with honesty and transparency shines through in their sincere warmth, concern, and integrity. And all of this healthiness enables the three to bring significance and beauty in all they accomplish. Now, with these wonderful qualities, you might be asking, what's so hard for a type three? The message their heart longs to hear from their parents, spouse, and loved ones is to be loved and valued simply for being you. And this means that a three's worst fear is not being successful or being exposed as a fraud. They often struggle with comparison. Therefore, their struggle is deceit with themselves and loved ones, and a fear of not being valued if they aren't the best or if they fail. Their deceit is most often expressed in their ability to pivot and assume any role, position, or option required to accomplish what they've set out to do. So in a chameleon-esque fashion, they may adapt to make connections they hope will quiet their hunger for recognition. These chameleon behaviors can look like taking on others' fashion styles, opinions, ambitions, and even accents or sling in order to feel successful in whatever group they are currently with. Now you may have heard me say more than once that the best way to determine your personality type, your true personality type, is reading material, taking a quiz, or even listening to information on each type with the filter of how you were most like as a kid. Or if you have a hard time remembering that far back, try to process the information based on your 18-year-old motivations. So with that important fact in mind, here's a glimpse of what a type 3 might look like as a kid. The type 3 child may come across as extremely capable and they work hard to be well liked by peers and adults. Sometimes they forget to play and enjoy their youth. The type 3 child develops a perspective that the most important thing is to become accomplished and successful. Along the way to achieving their cultural or familiar versions of success, they might diminish the value of their desires, emotions, and even activities that bring them joy. In their ambition to achieve, a three might do everything they can to adapt and mold themselves into a version of what they feel is the ideal image so they could be liked and accepted by everyone. The type 3 has an innate sense of who and how they need to connect with others in order to further their acceptance and appearance of success. The drive to be loved and accepted for what they do may cause them to exaggerate and embellish the truth in hopes to be admired. If you are fairly confident that you are a type 3, and you also happen to be a parent, here's some encouragement and caution for you. As a type 3 parent, you will excel at motivating your children, but you may also struggle with high expectations and you might end up choosing work over family. You are motivated to bring significance, beauty, and hope to your parenting role. It even brings you a sense of accomplishment to lead your children and others to believe and to help them achieve their dreams. Your parenting superpower will enable you to help others be self-accepting, interdirected, and authentic, even at the expense of revealing your shortcomings. Of course, there are many things to be cautious of as a type 3 parent, but here are three practical tips for you. As you discipline and train your kids, you may tend to move quickly with high expectations, but your children desperately need you to remember how far they've come and to remember to celebrate their wins. You might be tempted to think about what needs to be achieved next, but I encourage you to be fully engaged in the current moment. I promise the next task, project, or opportunity will be there when you're done connecting with your kids. Now you may have trained yourself to push through tough emotions and circumstances, letting little get in the way of your success. So one of the best gifts you can give your kids is taking time with your own emotional health and to spend time to engage in fun activities as a family. While it is super flattering to win, accomplish, and be a high performer, you have a heavenly father who loves you even when you fail to achieve. So receive this truth and cease the striving. You are the best and most successful mom your kids could ask for, even if they have no idea how good they have it. Now here's a story about one of my Enneagram 3 coaching clients. And of course, I've changed their name and adjusted the details so it would be more fun to listen to. Sophia could never remember a time when she didn't feel the pressure to work hard for attention. Her earliest memories were of her parents' restaurant kitchen and the spicy aromatics which made her mouth water at the thought. Sophia never saw her parents take a break, but later on, as an adult, she now realized as a first-generation immigrant to America, they didn't have that luxury. Sophia loved attending school. She was a voracious reader at an early age, and she knew how to get the attention of her teachers with her reading list and fastidious attention to the lessons. Her social life wasn't what she really longed for, but that was mostly due to her parents' work and the fact that English was their second language. But instead, she would pour extra time not spent at the family restaurant, making music lessons, and trying to make good connections during soccer practice. As she started high school, her mom got sick and within six months she passed away. Sophia was not only devastated, but she also found herself having to take the responsibility of her younger two siblings and helping her dad at the restaurant. This tragedy left little time for extracurricular activities and friendships, but her dad still gave her the time to pursue her academic interests. During those high school years, Sophia had a friend who invited her to a week at camp. And even though she was worried about taking time off, she attended because it was her Christian camp, it was there that she made a public decoration of faith in Jesus. Now there was little affirmation in her teen years from her dad, and of course there wasn't any interest in her Christian faith, but Sophia worked hard at school and in the family business in hopes to get the attention of her dad. With an impressive academic scholarship, Sophia attended a notable Christian college where she experienced more freedom to pursue the things that interested her. But she often found herself unwilling to try new things, especially if there was a chance she might fail. Sophia was great at making the most of her minutes. She stayed on top of her classes, attended all the school chapels, she read her Bible every day, and she even loved being a part of a campus Bible study. But behind her strict regimen was the fear that time wasted was time lost forever, or there would be disapproval from those she held in high esteem, even God. When Sophia first heard about the Enneagram, she was 10 years into marriage and had a very successful career all while raising three children. Her young family had moved every few years for her work, as the invitation to climb the corporate ladder was often extended within a year of each new management level. Sophia loved her work, the paycheck that went along with it, and even the affirmation and prestige it brought her. But as she added the third child to the family, she found herself feeling more and more frustrated that things no longer went as efficiently or smoothly as in the days past. It felt like nothing was ever completely chucked off her to-do list. There was practically zero time to do anything for herself. And to add to it, she couldn't relax while spending time with her kids, yet she felt guilty spending more time with her work than the kids. The task massacre on the inside was so loud, it often paralyzed her ability to prioritize. After the fifth coworker mentioned this Enneagram personality test to her, Sophia decided to give it a try. But when she read the quiz results, she didn't like what she read and dismissed the validity of it. It wasn't until her favorite business podcast host focused an episode on the Enneagram that she heard the insight about the three personality that resonated with her so deeply that she can no longer deny there seemed to be something that she needed to pay attention to. When Sophia's path crossed with mine, she wasn't sure what she should even ask me during a first coaching session, but she did know she needed some help, help to set realistic goals and to create a rhythm that was sustainable, yet also in line with God's will. Sophia was struggling with continually feeling on the edge of burnout in the constant stage of exhaustion that just seemed to be a way of life. She also mentioned that she knew she needed more patience with her young children, yet she still needed to grow her business. Recently, she had come to the realization that she was constantly striving to make all the people happy and like her, and she wanted to release that need for approval from others. Sophia's first session focused on determining what her top Enneagram type truly was. And as soon as I mentioned that a three views the world through a success versus failure lens, Sophia knew that summed up the story of her life. If she wasn't completely successful in her eyes and everyone else's estimation, she felt like a failure. And most of the time she felt like she was falling short because she rarely felt like she hit the mark. Naming that painful and exhausting way to live, coupled with the room to grieve the years of living under this burden, began to spark hope in Sophia that maybe thriving in business, her family, and her faith was indeed possible. Sophia was an eager client, and she took notes every time we met, and she really did make the most of the reflection exercises. She appreciated the freedom that even if she didn't do them every day or for the amount of time that she wanted, she was at least getting them done. In our sessions, we also talked about that demanding to-do list of hers, coupled with the inability to relax until they're all done, which of course they never were. I knew I couldn't get Sophia to toss the list, and that really wasn't the angle. But together we whittled down the 17 things to the top three things to do a day. And while she often ended up getting seven to ten things done, she allowed herself a break after the three most important tasks were accomplished. One of the surprising results of our sessions together was the breakthrough in her marriage. Sophia said, being told that I didn't have to be perfect and being encouraged to be open and vulnerable with my husband was revolutionary. This simple eye-opening trust provided a window into much honest dialogue for us. It also humbled me, to be honest, how human and flawed I was, and to be able to process that openly, honestly, and lovingly with my husband. After six months of coaching together, she summed up the results in these words. I am finally slowing down. I let emotions rise instead of pushing them down, and I make space for feelings. Guess what? I even am known to nap on the weekends. Sophia also writes that she is loving more time with her kids, going at their pace and exploring activities in a way that helped her enjoy the activities that she missed in her childhood. Sophia has realized when she gives more time and margin for the kids between work and other commitments, their emotional needs are less demanding and cumbersome. Wow, wow, wow. Aren't you so inspired? I sure love championing growth like this. Now, if you weren't sure what tips for growth that you should get out of this story, I've summed it up in seven different ways that you can experience growth in your workplace and as a parent. The first to know is your superpower is efficiency. But not everyone in your family or workplace may want to go about the tasks the same way you do. The second is be aware that you will have to cultivate self-satisfaction in what you do and accomplish. The goalpost might keep moving externally, but take time to celebrate what you have done. Third, learn to enjoy operating at a slower pace, whether it's self-imposed limitations or the beautiful limitations in your home. Fourth, ask more questions of others and your loved ones related to feelings instead of just doing. Instead of, what did you do today? Ask about how they felt as they were doing an activity or while they were away from you. Fifth, instead of putting ten things on the to-do list, try to only put three. Or allow yourself to take a break after you get three things checked off. Sixth, let go of your need to succeed. And those around you might breathe a sigh of relief. And seventh, believe the truth that your love for who you are before you do. A thing. So if you've listened to all of this and you're fairly confident that you're an Enneagram 3, I encourage you to tune in really carefully to this next part. It's important to identify this internal message that you may have heard your whole life. It may sound something like this. If I succeed and perform, then I will feel satisfied and be accepted by others. But here's the deal instead of believing this, you can make a choice to accept Christ's gift of unconditional acceptance as you practice rest and moments of solitude. I'd love for you to believe this truth from Matthew 3, verses 16 and 17. It says, As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, This is my son whom I love, with him I am well pleased. You should know that this was said about Christ by God before Jesus started his ministry or did big things or even got a lot done. That's amazing. So, friend, before you do a single thing on your to-do list for the day, you can remind yourself God says, this is my daughter, whom I love, and with her I am well pleased. And this means before you've accomplished, succeeded, or performed, your heavenly father is pleased and delighted with your love and devotion to him. And remember, God's matric for you is not the world's matric. This means his definition of success may look wildly different from everyone else's standards. Let your heavenly father show you his path and believe that even if others don't understand your version of success, that's okay, he's got it. Now for one of the favorite parts of each of these episodes this spring. It's all about how the Enneagram 3 gets along or doesn't get along with all the types. But before I give you the highlights, here's the most important fact about Enneagram and relationships. There is no one perfect type for your personality. Did you hear that? It's true. In short, all Enneagram types are compatible. The only question you should ask yourself when considering a relationship or how to engage in that relationship is is that person healthy or are they unhealthy? This piece of information will make a big difference in knowing what your level of interaction can look like with that person. Now that you know it's possible to get along and thrive with every Enneagram type, here's some general similarities or differences. The Enneagram 1 and Enneagram 3 both love checking things off their lists and they're go-getters. While you can be a powerhouse team of accomplishment, the three will need to be patient with a one's desire to do every step of the process correctly. The one might get frustrated with the three's desire for acceptance from others, which sometimes causes them to not stick to their authentic standards. But in the end, when you put them on a task together, they will shine and probably accomplish more than most. The Enneagram III and the Enneagram II can be very effective together because the twos focus on people while the threes focus on the task. When they're both honest about their motivations for significance by doing or performing for others, they can remain accountable and use their abilities to produce excellence, all while taking care of people in the process. The goal is for the three to be patient with the twos verbal processing, and in the end, these two types will complement each other's abilities to get things done. An Enneagram 3 and another Enneagram 3 just might be unstoppable. A fabulous married couple example is found in episode 220, and they are both type 3s with different, stronger wings. This couple found that when they're healthy, they uniquely challenge each other to go after their dreams with pure motivations, for God's glory, but also for their good. This combo, though, can run the risk of experiencing burnout unless they intentionally create time to pause to not only enjoy each other and their close family and friends, but to also celebrate their accomplishments. The Enneagram 3 and the Enneagram 4 are both feeling-centered, but the three may ignore their feelings for the sake of productivity. So if you're a three, allow the time for the four to express their emotion and let it encourage you to not rush past your feelings. The three can remind the four of the hope that they need to climb out of their melancholy, and the four can invite the three to pause and to take notice of their emotions. The Enneagram three admires the knowledge base and credentials of Enneagram 5, and they will make a great team when they're willing to learn from each other. The five will help to slow the three's pace, balancing their striving with knowledge. And the three will empower the five to put their knowledge into action. The three and six share a unique line of stress and growth, and the more integrated a healthy three is, will exhibit the loyalty of the six. Because the sixes trust needs to be won. The three wins the sixes trust by demonstrating that you value relationships over performance. Nyla, my Enneagram 3 podcast manager, whose husband is a six, mentioned this about their combination. She said a three can make productivity an idol, and her six husband helps her to slow down and rest, and to see resting as being productive in a different way than accomplishing tasks are. She as a three helps him speed up his decision-making process, and he as a six reminds her to not always make the decisions lightning fast. Both the Enneagram 3 and the Enneagram 7 provide intense energy and enthusiasm to work, life, and relationships. But the three may get frustrated with the seven's inability to focus. And a seven needs more breaks or fun or diversion than a three. Both will need to remind each other to make space and time for negative emotions, but they will also bounce back quickly from disappointment. As long as the three is willing to share their path to success and make time to celebrate, this can be a fabulous combo. Both the Enneagram 3 and the Enneagram 8 are great at getting things done, but neither type enjoys or wants to be vulnerable. So both types may err on the side of being dismissive of their and others' feelings. Both of these types need to commit to reality checks for their pace and work-life balance. But they are fabulous champions of each other's big dreams and goals. The type 3 and the type 9 also share a unique line of stress and growth. When the three is stressed, they go to the low side of a 9, feeling paralyzed and frustrated by their lack of accomplishments. The three will want to make things happen, while a nine will just allow things to happen. When these types share a common value system, the three can learn from a night's sense of holy delay, and the nine can draw from the momentum and focus of the three. Wow, friend, there is so much to consider and reflect on today. What did you learn? Did you think of someone who would appreciate this information about the Enneagram 3? Maybe you know someone who is married or living with a three, and they need some better understanding of how to relate to this type. Or perhaps you are a three and you want your people to know more about what makes you you. It's super simple to use this app's share feature so you can pass along this episode with a little note about what you learned. Now, before we wrap this thing up, I'm finishing with the insight about the threes that I want to make sure you hear. In coaching many threes, I find that I can't emphasize enough that their worth has nothing to do with how much they do, the promotions they get, the race they run, or the tasks they check off the list. I found the best advice or encouragement to give a three is that as they lay their head on the pillow at night, instead of running through the list of what they didn't accomplish that day, think instead of all the ways you should love to your people. Ask yourself, how much did I love today? Or how did I bring joy to my Heavenly Father? Because I accomplished his purpose for me today. Remember three, it's invaluable to change the metric of success, because in the end, it's about receiving God's unconditional love to share with others. The Enneagram insights don't put you in a box. Instead, when you combine your newfound self-awareness with the power of the gospel, you can get free of the box that you feel stuck in. Next week, I'm going to be back with an episode all about the Enneagram 4 as we continue to make our way through this series. I can't wait to share all the good information with you. Until next time, continue to pursue God's perspective, purpose, and plans for your wholehearted life.