Enneagram Fives | Thriving at Work and Home

Welcome to the sixth episode of the Nine Types Spring Series. This episode is dedicated to learning all about the Enneagram Five!

You will want to listen to each episode of this series if you know your Enneagram Type or are beginning your personality discovery journey! You will also want to share this special 9-part series so that your friends and family can learn about the Enneagram and maybe figure out their personality Type. Best of all if you listen to learn about each Type it will really help you know how to strengthen your relationships no matter their Type. Whether you are married, raising kids, or working with others, chances are that you are interacting with all the Nine Enneagram personalities! 

Past episodes about Enneagram Fives:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-savor-a-slice-of-simplicity-wisdom/id1216920050?i=1000496325302

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/finding-the-hero-in-your-husband-guest-dr-juli/id1216920050?i=1000551030513

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/organization-for-the-busy-mompreneur-guest-dana-white/id1216920050?i=1000549490713

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/investigating-transformation-with-enneagram-five/id1216920050?i=1000528631012

https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/simply-wholehearted-podcast/id1216920050?i=1000496325302

Amy's Enneagram Momprenuer Guide free PDF found here!

Take the new Enneagram Quiz here!

Follow Amy on IG
Amy's Website

The Enneagram can name your patterns. It can't set you free from them. That's the difference between insight and transformation, and it's the whole focus of this summit.

Learn more, check out the speakers & get your free seat!

https://www.simplywholehearted.com/wholehearted-2026

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 1:41

Hi, I'm Amy Wicks, a Jesus and Enneagram enthusiast. As a wife, mama of three humans, and a fur baby, I get it. Juggling entrepreneurship in a family is challenging. But I believe the Lord does want your work to be enjoyable. As an Enneagram type 7, I am all about the fun factor. And this podcast is here to help you put the joy back into working mom life. So you can see 1 Timothy 617 come to pass in your own big guy. It's a verse that says, God has given us all things to enjoy. All friends, it means all. Motherhood, work from home life, or work out of the home life. With the Lord's help, there's truly a way to feel calm, balance, joy, clarity, and peace in any arena of life. Welcome to the Simply Full Hearted Podcast, where you can expect solo-style and interview style episodes that are full of faith-based concepts, simple ideas, Enneagram insights, alongside practical tips to help you put that smile back on your face when it comes to doing life with Jesus. Now get your headphones and head to that big pile of dishes in the sink. Or maybe that bathroom that needed cleaning two weeks ago. And let's get to learning together. I am betting you that you're going to want to listen to each of the episodes in these series, whether you know your Enneagram type or you're just beginning this Enneagram journey. I would also love it if you'd share this special nine part series with your friends and family so they too can learn about the Enneagram, and maybe they'll even figure out their personality type along the way. And best of all, if you listen to learn about each personality type, it's going to help you know how to strengthen your relationships. And whether you're married, raising kids, or working with others, chances are that you're interacting with all of the nine Enneagram personalities. You are able to utilize character traits of all nine personality types because you are made in God's image. And the triune nature of God is all the nine types and more. I truly believe that you can reflect God's nature and his character traits when you are living as a beloved child of our Heavenly Father. I am certain that Scripture wouldn't tell us to be imitators of Christ if it wasn't possible. So I encourage you to listen to each episode to understand the positive attributes about each Enneagram personality. Now, if you haven't listened to any of the episodes before, today you're going to hear all that I could possibly give you about the Enneagram 5 in under 30 minutes, or maybe right at 30 minutes. But I'm going to dive into core traits, childhood experience, I'm going to offer parenting tips, and plus I'm going to give you an overview of how each Enneagram type pairs with all the other Enneagram personality types. I'll also share an inspiring transformation story about one of my Enneagram 5 clients. Also, at the very end, I'm going to share my favorite insight about the Enneagram 5 in the last 60 seconds of this episode. And also, if you haven't yet gotten your free mom preneur guidebook, I would love for you to snag it today. It's a beautiful download with content on each Enneagram type. It's really the Enneagram guidebook for moms who desire to thrive in their faith, family, and business. You're going to get more understanding of your specific type strengths, your weaknesses, and also understand the small pivots that you can implement today. Okay, are you ready to dive into all the information about an Enneagram 5? Well, first up, here's 10 common traits of an Enneagram 5. Number one, you need lots of time to recharge after being with others. 2. You prefer to learn from observing or reading as opposed to doing. 3. You might find yourself challenging the norm or conventional thought. 4. You don't find happiness from material items, but you do struggle with generosity. 5. You may find yourself being involuntarily negative, suspicious, or cynical. 6. You may not feel calm, but you know how to use that presentation as a defense mechanism. 7. You hesitate to be assertive or aggressive. 8. You find great joy from ongoing education opportunities or the ability to further exploration in a topic you love. 9. You may be one of those who get lost for hours when you explore your interests. And 10. You take pride in your line of work and title which reflects your knowledge base. Now, did you find yourself nodding your head to most of these traits? Or as you listen, did you think of a person or two who fits this description? Well, if you answered mostly yes, you might be in Enneagram 5 or know someone who is. But here is the most essential fact about the Enneagram that you need to know before we continue to dive in. The Enneagram identifies motivations, not outward behavior. Yes, of course, there's common character traits or behavior patterns of each personality type. But the question you need to ask yourself is what is the reason behind your action? What is my core fear, longing, desire, or emotion behind your choice of action? You may share learned behavior traits based on your family or community culture, but what's beneath the surface? So, friend, take time to pay attention to the motivations, not just the outward qualities. With this important fact in mind, here are some core motivations attributed to the Enneagram 5. Because type 5s tend to get labeled as bookworms or research nerds, it's important to note that any personality type may love to learn or read. While a five is drawn to acquiring knowledge, all nine Enneagram types can enjoy reading and learning. An Enneagram 5 desires to be capable and competent, which simply means they abhor looking like they don't know something. A five may often be misunderstood as simple and straightforward on the outside, but their interior life is as complex as any personality type. The rational thought process of the fives are in constant action as they sort and churn through their thoughts. An enneagram type 5 possesses the ability to come to a thorough understanding of causes and effects. They are not often caught up in needing status or even praise, and therefore they tend to provide calm and objective presence. They might be the ones to throw a wet blanket in a room full of dreamers because they will approach the plan realistically and tend to point out the deficiencies. Fives at their best can be visionaries, broadly comprehending the world while investigating it thoroughly. And when they choose to be open-minded and take things in their true context, they make pioneering discoveries and find innovative ways of doing or perceiving things. Among many wonderful possessions a type five might enjoy, an inventor might be at the top of the list. I can't help but think while it's sometimes hard to learn more from fives because they like to keep to themselves, we're probably benefiting from their love of knowledge through their inventions or discoveries. Now, with all of these fabulous qualities, you might be asking yourself, what's so hard about being a type 5? Well, if you are a five, you know it's hard. And if you don't, this is what you need to know. The message the type 5 longs to hear from their parents, spouse, and loved ones is your needs are not a problem. A five often struggles with expressing their thoughts and knowledge succinctly. And while it's true that fives often feel they are perceived as loners, they don't want to be ignored or have their needs be neglected. This is compounded by the fact a five fears having an obligation or being intruded on, being ignorant, feeling overwhelmed, or being dependent on others. Oof, that's a long list, right? This might mean that a five doesn't have a plethora of friends, but instead they may have a few special friends that they are thoughtful and generous towards on a regular basis. You may have heard or experienced that a type 5 struggles with greed, but it's not always specifically about possessions. Rather, it's more often expressed in holding tightly to the energy they have for social interactions, as they desire to protect and hold on to their external output for fear of depletion internally. A few Ennegram teachers have related the five's energy to a cell phone charge. So even if it's been plugged in all night to charge in the morning, it's only at 70%. And therefore, the five may spend the day on the lookout for ways to essentially plug in or recharge to make it to the end of the day. Since they're never fully at 100%, it causes them to feel stingy and picky about how they will use their energy. Now, if you've been in this community for a while, you know that I say one of the best ways to determine your personality type is to listen or take a quiz or read material and answer the questions and think about the content as what you were like as a kid or what your 18-year-old motivations were. So, with that in mind, here's a little glimpse of what a type 5 might look like as a young person. A type 5 child may come across as an independent and detached information gatherer. A type 5 kid may avoid interpersonal conflict by withdrawing from their inner world. But they're not antisocial. They just prefer limited amounts of interaction. Due to their natural insecurity with parental attachment, they may focus on learning, which makes them bright, curious, and appear more independent. A type 5 child has an insatiable appetite for knowledge and may be prone to asking questions, like, you know, why? And they may also deplete their physical and emotional energy to discover the answers they're looking for in the world, such as pulling all nighters to research or to finish their new book. When a type 5 is left to themselves, they will use their independence to sort through their thoughts and their emotions and use their autonomy to recharge. Now, if you've read all this information and maybe you've even started listening, being very confident that you are a type 5, well, I have some specific encouragement for you as a parent. If you're a type 5 parent, you excel at being perceptive and sensible, and you'll focus on emotional stability. You may come across as authoritarian, but it's in an effort to guide your children to become more innovative and knowledgeable. You are definitely motivated to acquire information in an effort to help your child build deep levels of skill and expertise. Your parenting superpower will enable you to assert what you know to be accurate. You dispel inaccuracies or exaggerations, which helps your child build a healthy perception and attentiveness. Of course, there's many things to be cautious about as a type 5, but here are three practical tips for you as you parent. You are good at creating a mental plan, but sometimes you have difficulty following the plan. So a word of caution, don't expend all your energy planning the activities for your kids. Instead, take action a little sooner so you can provide them with quality time. Second caution is you're inclined to recall the previous failings and mistakes of your children, but your child desperately needs you to just focus on the current experience and have you believe that they will be able to do it better next time. And remember, you have all knowledge and wisdom available to you through your Heavenly Father. Just ask him. It's okay that you don't know everything. Now, you know I love a good story, so I wanted to share one of my favorites about an Enneagram 5 coaching client. And of course, like with all of these episodes, I've changed the name and adjusted a few of the details in order to make it more fun to listen to. Tracy was an avid gardener with a home-based essential oil business and two kids spaced almost exactly two years apart. She married her high school sweetheart and appreciated his outgoing nature, as she could rely on him for the conversation and social gatherings. He also had an adventurous side that helped her take those vacations that she would be more likely to plan, but never actually go on. Being outside, tending to her flower bed or seasonal vegetable garden gave her valuable time to think about the past week and the week to come. Now, Tracy wasn't inclined to appreciate personality tests or quizzes because she deemed most of them silly and nonsensical. She also privately questioned why most of her Christian friends so openly talked about their need for counseling. To her, self-awareness wasn't necessary, and if you had asked her, she would have told you. If you just put your mind to things, there's usually a way out, especially if you have faith. This narrative served her well until both her kids were in their early teen years. When her oldest child called her to report her younger brother's illegal behavior, Tracy felt unprepared and ill-equipped to navigate this parenting challenge. After several conversations with a few close friends, she booked a counseling session with a family therapist. She found herself taking an Enneagram quiz per the request of the therapist, and much to her surprise, she found her results to be telling. A few family therapy sessions in, Trace began to realize not only did her family need emotional support, but she also did as an individual. She began to wonder if how she compartmentalized her relationships and emotions may have contributed to this crisis. It wasn't that she was conflict adverse, rather, she would become disengaged if things felt like too much in order to manage her energy output. To top it all off, her son's angry accusations about her not being able to truly love cut her to the heart. Looking in hindsight, she knew her actions could sometimes be perceived as cool or unresponsive, but to her, it felt safer to be more controlled. Tracy was a quick learner, and her love for knowledge made her an eager coaching client. Overall, our work together helped her to be self-aware so she could be others aware. When Tracy came to me for Enneagram coaching, she was an eager client, ready to dive in. Tracy quickly implemented key growth practices for a five, which created a shift within her home and herself. She started explaining to me that when she needed to get away, instead of her family just looking up and finding her no longer there, she learned how to communicate her need to step away. She also began to practice trusting and expressing motions before she would just run away from them or try to figure them out, even if it was uncomfortable. She also found joy in having her family join her on her long bike rides instead of only using the time for herself to process. She began to be on the lookout to develop other enjoyable hobbies that invited her family in instead of creating more isolation. While Tracy couldn't go back to the early years of parenting to rewrite her kids' experience, she was intentional to take more opportunities to show them the process of how things work and not just tell them, such as her garden and her current research project. And though our coaching sessions tended to focus on her personal life and not her business one, one of the sessions helped Tracy celebrate and be at peace with the pace of growth that she felt was best for her energy levels. And this meant in her business that she was going to be content with implementing shorter work weeks and to be okay with her limited client base and be content with her smaller office. In the end, Tracy felt that her business was thriving not because of its size, but because she had the bandwidth for her current team members and customers. Also, when I last checked in with Tracy, she was working with a family therapist and they were making huge strides with their son's addiction. Now, isn't this story so insightful? I think we can all glean wisdom from this transformation journey. Now, if you got caught up in the story about Tracy and you missed the seven tips for awareness so you could experience growth in your parenting and workplace as a type 5, I am spelling them all out for you right here. First, be proactive to share and embody your emotions. Don't just think about them. You've got to express them. Second, practice spontaneity and be fully present, not just in your head, when sharing interactive experiences. Third, interact beyond your comfort level, especially with your spouse and children. Fourth, create a realistic plan to manage your energy level. You can't recharge all the time, but it's very healthy to take time away. Fifth, communicate your need to step away from conflict or large social gatherings. Don't just slip away. Tell a few people before you step away. Sixth, trust yourself a little more and your ability to put your plan into action or keep a cool head in crisis. And seventh, share your gift of rational thinking. Others will be so blessed by your knowledge and insight of your expertise. So, friend, as a type five, you may have heard this internal message your whole life. My needs and desires are a burden to others. But friend, this isn't true. You don't always have to find a way to take care of yourself. You can make a choice to rest from the need to find the answers, as you practice silence and you look to the giver of all wisdom. Here's a truth from Isaiah 4028 for you today. Have you never heard? Have you never understood? The Lord is an everlasting God, the creator of all earth. He never grows weak or weary, and no one can measure the depths of his understanding. Guess what? All of that strength, all of that knowledge, all of that understanding, it's available to you when you stay in step with his spirit and go after his will in your life. Here's also another beautiful verse for you today. It's Matthew 11, verses 28 through 30. Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I'm gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. When you spend time with Jesus, you get soul rest, the kind of rest you are truly looking for. It's the most restful kind of rest. The best way to recharge is doing a spiritual discipline with the Lord. And if you don't have time or you just aren't able to rest as much as you'd like, the Lord is only a prayer or a praise song or a short Bible verse away. Just meditate on it to find the refreshment that you need, to do the next thing. Now, I know your favorite segment has been about how each type gets along with each of the Enneagram types. But before I give you the highlights, here's the most important fact that you need to know about Enneagram and relationships. There is no one perfect type for your personality. Yep, it's true. All types are compatible. The only question that I encourage you to ask when considering a relationship or to know how to engage in a relationship is to ask yourself is that person helping? Healthy or unhealthy? Of course, that sometimes takes time. But this answer will make the biggest difference in knowing what your level of interaction will look like with that person. With that being said, here are some general similarities or differences between the types. For most Enneagram 5s, the criticism of the Enneagram 1 may make them feel inadequate or incompetent. Just as it may be a nerving for a 1 when a 5 is taking information and is not as expressive. Therefore, they assume it's judgment. But when the 5 believes the standards of the 1 aren't challenging their competency, they can make a strong strategic team, both with their ability to focus, make things right, and the one strength to implement the plan. Enneagram 5s have a hard time understanding the affection and the emotional expression of the Enneagram 2, especially because the 5 is afraid to voice their feelings. The five will observe the two and be quick to think their way of being in the world is a waste of energy. And a two is going to have to be patient with the pace of a five's willingness to share their thoughts, plans, and ideas, as they need more time to gather their thoughts. A healthy two can help a five feel accepted when they express their needs without creating a sense of obligation. The Enneagram 5 will appreciate the independence of a three and the fact that the three doesn't require much from the five. But the fives might find the three's pace of life exhausting. They might even get annoyed by each other because they share different approaches to life. For example, after a three, a vacation may want to unpack quickly and then dive right back into their projects. But the five will probably want to come back and just sit on the couch and recoup from their travels. In the end, the five will help to slow the three's pace, balancing their striving with knowledge, and the three will empower the five to put their knowledge into action. Both the Enneagram 5 and Enneagram 4 are in the withdrawing communication style. They both apprise authenticity and wisdom, but they approach their interactions in an opposite manner. The five gets uncomfortable with dealing with other people's emotions, and they'll become irritated if people bring their personal dramas to work. Whereas the four may not feel comfortable with people who don't share their emotions and come across as aloof. If each type spends time strengthening their respective personality wings, such as four wing five and five wing four, it'll help them both approach the relationship with a balanced head and heart connection. When this duo is in a work environment, it can be very harmonious if they respect the boundaries and form an open line of communication. An Enneagram V with another Enneagram V, of course, will be very comfortable with each other, as they'll uniquely understand their individual needs to withdraw, and they'll support each other's passion for knowledge. When both of them take the time to be curious about each other's interests, they'll discover a deep connection. But they will fail to thrive long term if they interact or only make decisions based on head knowledge. Using their four wing and their line of growth to the eight will help them use their feeling and doing centers. The Enneagram 5 will greatly appreciate the Enneagram 6's loyalty, and the 6 will value the 5' steadiness in return. Both share the emotional struggle with anxiety and could pull each other down in unfamiliar social situations. But when they're both aware of their anxiety, they can help each other mitigate the downward spiral. The five can offer their straightforward rationale, and the six, well, they can help plan the solutions. Especially if it means getting out of the awkward social situation. When the six has a strong five wing, they will both enjoy researching new technology, reading reviews, and even creating fail-safe plans together. The Enneagram 5 and the Enneagram 7 share a unique connection and growth in stress. And under stress, the five may take on the unhealthy qualities of the seven. They'll become more scattered and not finished projects. But as a team, as in a five and seven team, or if they're in a close relationship, they really will balance each other. The seven will learn the value of pulling back and observing like a healthy five. And sevens can offer fives a lightheartedness that will keep them from taking themselves or their projects too seriously. The Enneagram V and the Enneagram VI also share a unique connection and growth in stress. When a five is growing in self-awareness and health, they exhibit the positive traits of the eight, but the eights share similar character traits to the fives when they're stressed. Both personality types are prone to retreating and information gathering, especially when they're feeling uncertain. When they work together or in a close relationship, an eight will be great at respecting the fives need for boundaries and will help a five clarify and declare what they need. The Enneagram 5 and the Enneagram 9 also share a similar retreating pattern in conflict, but the 9s are others aware, and the fives will be process aware. The five will appreciate that the nine won't put pressure on them to do things that they have no interest in. But they may be taken aback if a nine becomes stubborn and won't go along with the five's plan. But this combination can make a great duo when the five helps the nine formulate a plan and process that will result in steady actions. But they are going to need some patience when the nine wants to ramble. When it comes to achieving goals, both of these personalities need to rely on their patterns of growth to take needed action. So, my friend, are you an Enneagram 5 or do you know an Enneagram 5? I hope that you learned something new today. Whether it was compassion as you better understand the experience of a 5, or the hope of transformation and freedom, I would be delighted if you shared this episode with your people. It's really simple to use your podcast apps feature to pass along this episode with a little note about what you learned today. Now, before you go, I want to share a few more details about the Enneagram 5 that I think have been really helpful to understand. Not all Enneagram 5s are hardcore introverts, and they're not all totally detached from their feelings with their nose in a book. I happen to even know of five who isn't a huge fan of reading books. I know, can you imagine? Now, I didn't say they didn't find other ways to satisfy their desire for research, such as perhaps listening to podcasts, watching YouTube videos, reading magazines, and online articles, but they just aren't the bookworm everyone thinks they should be as a type five. Now, the majority of the fives I have coached or interacted with on a regular basis do fit the majority of the stereotypes. Several of them are very intentional with their relationships and they pursue connection on a deep level. These fives regularly enjoy the company of others and can equally appreciate their time alone to recharge or sitting in silence with those that they are closest to. The Enneagram amplifies the light, but life in Christ provides the key to freedom. Next week, I'll be back with the episode All About the Enneagram 6 as we continue to make our way through this new series. I can't wait to share all the goodness with you. Until next time, my friend, continue to pursue God's perspective, purpose, and plans for your wholehearted life.