Enneagram Sixes | Thriving at Work and Home

Welcome to the sixth episode of the Nine Types Spring Series. This episode is dedicated to learning all about the Enneagram Six!

You will want to listen to each episode of this series if you know your Enneagram Type or are beginning your personality discovery journey! You will also want to share this special 9-part series so that your friends and family can learn about the Enneagram and maybe figure out their personality Type. Best of all if you listen to learn about each Type it will really help you know how to strengthen your relationships no matter their Type. Whether you are married, raising kids, or working with others, chances are that you are interacting with all the Nine Enneagram personalities! 

Past episodes about Enneagram Fives:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-episode-every-enneagram-six-needs-to-hear/id1216920050?i=1000496582015

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/you-would-make-a-great-enneagram-coach-guest-adam/id1216920050?i=1000552731483

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/finding-level-ground-with-enneagram-six-samantha-compton/id1216920050?i=1000529370515

https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/simply-wholehearted-podcast/id1216920050?i=1000496582015

Amy's Enneagram Momprenuer Guide free PDF found here!

Take the new Enneagram Quiz here!

Follow Amy on IG
Amy's Website

The Enneagram can name your patterns. It can't set you free from them. That's the difference between insight and transformation, and it's the whole focus of this summit.

Learn more, check out the speakers & get your free seat!

https://www.simplywholehearted.com/wholehearted-2026

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 1:41

Hi, I'm Amy Wicks, a Jesus and Enneagram enthusiast. As a wife, mama of three humans, and a fur baby, I get it. Juggling entrepreneurship in a family is challenging. But I believe the Lord does want your work to be enjoyable. As an Enneagram type 7, I am all about the fun factor. And this podcast is here to help you put the joy back into working mom life. So you can see 1 Timothy 6.17 come to pass in your own thing. It's a verse that says, God has given us all things to enjoy. All friends, it means all. Motherhood, work from home life, or work out of the home life. With the Lord's help, there's truly a way to feel calm, balance, joy, clarity, and peace in any arena of life. Welcome to the Simply Full Hearted Podcast, where you can expect solo-style and interview-style episodes that are full of faith-based concepts, simple ideas, Enneagram insights, alongside practical tips to help you put that smile back on your face when it comes to doing life with Jesus. Now get your headphones and head to that big pile of dishes in the sink, or maybe that bathroom that needed cleaning two weeks ago. And let's get to learning together. I also am loving how you all are sharing these episodes with your friends and family so they can learn right alongside with you. I hope that you all are having great conversations and learning more about each Enneagram type. Because when you learn about not just your type but others, you are going to strengthen your relationships. Because I'm pretty certain whether you're married, raising kids, or working together with others, you're probably interacting with all the different nine Enneagram personalities. Now, if you've been here for a hot minute, you have heard this well-kept secret before. But if you're new here, I want you to tune in. Here's the scoop. You are able to utilize all the character traits of the nine types because you are made in God's image. And the triune nature of God is all the nine Enneagram types and more. Here's the deal, my friend. You can reflect God's nature and all his character traits too, when you are living as a beloved child of our Heavenly Father. Scripture tells us that we can be imitators of Christ. So I believe it's possible. I would love for you to listen in to learn the positive attributes of each Enneagram personality so you can learn from them and try them on for yourself. Also, all nine episodes in this spring series is focusing on just one Enneagram number. So we're going to do a deep dive. Of course, I can't cover every single detail, but I'm going to give an outline on core traits, childhood experience, offer parenting tips, and plus I'm going to give an overview of how that Enneagram type pairs up with each of the other Enneagram personalities. I also have got to throw in a great transformation story. And if you listen all the way through, the last 60 seconds is going to highlight one of my favorite insights. Today you're going to hear just a little bit more about the Enneagram 6. Now, hundreds of you have been enjoying my free Enneagram guidebook for moms, specifically to help those who desire to thrive in their faith, family, and business. If you haven't yet gotten your copy, I hope you'll use the link in the show notes. Or head over to simply wholehearted.com to get your free copy of this content with information on each Enneagram personality. You can learn more about your type's strengths, your weaknesses, and the small pivots that you can make. Alright, are you ready to dive in? First up are 10 common traits of an Enneagram 6. 1. You are very committed and faithful to family and friends. 2. You struggle with self-doubt and have an inner committee. 3. You value clear-cut guidelines and boundaries. 4. The closer you are to others, the more likely you will show you're more anxious and nervous side. 5. You look for ways to be more in control of your life and surroundings. 6. You long for predictability in life and relationships. 7. Your self-doubt has caused you to sabotage your success. 8. You have been told that you are loyal and trustworthy. 9. It's important that your leadership is worthy of your trust. 10. You struggle with ruminating on the worst case scenario. Now, did you find yourself nodding yes to most of these? Or did you think of a person or two that you know that fits some of these descriptions? If so, you might be an Enneagram 6, or you might know someone who is. Make sure you understand this important fact about the Enneagram. The Enneagram identifies motivations or focus of attention, not outward behavior or actions. And yes, there are common character traits or behavior patterns of each personality type. But the real question to ask yourself is what's the reason behind my action? Or what is my core fear, longing, desire, or emotion behind your conduct? It's pretty easy to have learned behavior traits based on your family or community or even culture, but what's really beneath the surface? I encourage you to take time to pay attention to the motivations, not just the outward qualities. Now, a type 6 is often labeled as fearful and anxious, but both the Enneagram 5 and Enneagram 7 share the emotional struggle of anxiety connected to being in the head triad. And any personality type can deal with a medical condition of anxiety. So just because you might struggle with being anxious, it doesn't automatically qualify you as an Enneagram 6. Also, Enneagram 6s can be one of the most difficult personality types to understand, because they do range from being highly fearful, which is labeled as phobic, to maybe charging into the face of fear, and that's also termed as counterphobic. With this in mind, here are some core motivations attributed to the Enneagram 6. An Enneagram 6 desires to have support and guidance. They can be misidentified as feeling types due to their tendency towards their battle with insecurity, or as a gut type due to their counterphobic tendency to react in order to keep themselves or others from harm. Sixes are deeply motivated for their need of security. Phobic sixes, they're outwardly fearful, while counterphobic sixes confront their fear. Both a phobic and counterphobic sixes seek approval and they do not like to be threatened by their authorities or to feel unsure about their leaders, but they will approach their need for certainty uniquely. The counterphobic six may come across as more challenging and maybe calling out the leader or asking them the hard questions, but the phobic might be more friendly to head off a feeling of dislike. They might, though, create mental and relational strategies to mitigate their fear of that specific leadership. Both of them will have the focus of attention to ensure that they have support, systems, and leadership that they deem are safe. The sixes need for trustworthy structures really do help make the world a safer place. An Enneagram type six is also committed and loyal to family and friends. They have a great deal of compassion for others, but when hard pressed or feeling cornered, they do have the ability to be direct and assertive for people or things that they highly value. Sixes at their best are self-affirming because they trust themselves and others. They can be independent yet symbiotically interdependent and cooperative in partnership. When the sixes have confidence in themselves, it leads to real courage, positive thinking, great leadership, and honest self-expression. With all of these excellent qualities, you might be asking yourself, Well, what's so hard about being in Ennegram Six? The message the Six's heart longs to hear from their parents, spouse, and loved ones is that you are safe and secure. And it may not have been satisfied, either unintentionally or intentionally. So it creates the type six's fear about not having support or guidance. This may lead to low self-confidence, constant worrying, and hypervigilance. The six's struggle with fear creates irrational overthinking and a process towards making decision, which creates indecision and procrastination. When they get stuck in their thinking repression, it causes them to stay in a self-doubting loop. That ends up keeping them and their loved ones in anxiety and angst. A six tends to focus on what adverse action could happen around them, or if they're counterphobic, they exhibit the desire to remove what is a perceived threat. While it's true that sixes are often fearful, they're driven by their sense of loyalty towards others and to safety. And if challenging leadership, they don't desire the lead role necessarily. They only intend to create a space for trustworthy leadership. If you've been here for a little bit, then you know I say the best way to take an Enneagram quiz or read material about the Enneagram or ask yourself questions is to filter the content based on what you were most like as a kid. Or if that's a little too long ago, just read the content or filter the content based on your 18-year-old self motivations. So with that little tidbit in mind, here's a glimpse of what a type six might look like as a young person. A type six child may come across as very friendly, dependable, and desirous of support and guidance from their parents, grandparents, teachers, all of those authority figures. These children tend to anticipate danger and question the stability of their environment. And again, here's that key word, trustworthiness of others. A type six child naturally wants to avoid potential danger or harm, and they'll consider any threat to their safety in a serious and serious, I mean serious manner. They will naturally seek out advice and guidance before making a decision in an effort to feel safe and secure. Their personality perspective tends to have a heightened sensitivity to any sense of instability because that instability, well, it confirms their fear that adults may not be worthy of their trust. And this mistrust develops their inner committee or multiple perspectives voicing possible scenarios. And this inner committee, it leads to habitual self-doubt and indecision. These type six kids also might be your pickiest eater, not really wanting to try new foods and preferring to stick to their favorites because they're safe and they know what the outcome will be, which is they'll enjoy it. A type six child might even be hesitant to spend their birthday money anxious that they might want it later and not be without it. Now, if you've listened to all of this and you're going, oh yeah, I am a type six, and you're a parent, I have some specific encouragement and caution for you today. As a type six parent, you help your children have a strong sense of duty and you teach them to be vigilant because safety is a priority. You're motivated to create a safe and nurturing environment by utilizing and demonstrating your courage. Your parenting superpower enables you to be resilient, rooted, and centered. You help your children become excellent troubleshooters. You foresee problems and you work with others or even them for solutions. There are many things to be cautious about as a type 6 parent, but here are a few practical tips for you. You may struggle with boundaries in saying no, but remember, you are more than likely to know what is best for you and your children. You might be stuck thinking about your interactions or decisions made after your children have moved on from the topic or decision. So don't second guess your last decision. Instead, make the next right decision. Remember, when you're tempted to be overcome by fear for your children's safety or the worst-case scenario's thinking is overwhelming, your Heavenly Father has it all under control, and he really does love your kids more than you do. I know, I know, it's hard to believe sometimes, but I promise you it's true. Now for story time with Coach Amy. I am loving putting together these amazing stories about some of my coaching clients. And of course, like all the rest of them in these series, I've changed the name and I've adjusted some details in their story so that way it's a little bit more fun to listen to. Gabriella grew up as the oldest of four siblings and all the additional responsibilities that came with being raised by a single mom. But they had a tight-knit community that fostered their love of their cultural legacy, which also emphasized caring for their own. When she was 16, some of her worst fears came true. The mom she thought she could trust became unstable and unpredictable. Gabriella flew into action, having a sense of what she was created to know how to do, which is navigate a crisis just like this. She did what she knew best and she got her siblings to a safer environment. Already familiar with the responsibilities of caring for the younger kids, she managed to juggle their needs while finishing high school, and she even became one of the first in her family to get into college. A degree in education wasn't her first choice, but in the end it felt the most predictable and secure. Plus, she imagined that she would probably appreciate the training and preparation for motherhood someday. Gabriella loved college life, the rhythm of her days, the college professors who earned her trust, and even a close group of friendships. The only drawback was during her junior year, things got worse with her mom and Gabriella had to take custody of her siblings. In the following years of starting her career and falling in love with her forever soulmate Brennan, they were far from predictable and secure. But once she was married, she happily settled into this role. While Gabriella and her husband got involved with their local church, both sides of the family continued to have turmoil and drama. They both felt burdened by the dysfunction, but they also wanted to honor their parents and act in a Christ-like manner. Because they were young in their faith, they feared opening up to their local church community, not wanting to burden anyone with the drama that was the constant hum behind the scenes. The tipping point in this crisis was after Gabriella's and Brennan's third child was born. COVID had the world shut down, and Brennan's once secure career was suddenly insecure. Gabriella, like everyone else, was on social media often during the spring of 2020 when she stumbled across the Enneagram. She immediately gravitated towards Enneagram teachers who were presenting the Enneagram from a Christian perspective, and it quickly became her new fun research project. Especially she still had hopes to go back to school for a master's in Christian counseling for families. After Gabriella attended the online Enneagram Summit in August of 2021, she knew the next step for her was to get 100% solid about her Enneagram type and to work with a coach to help her find her voice, especially when communicating with extended family and to overcome her self-doubt, worry, and need for approval. Gabriela also wanted to invest in some of her goals and dreams, especially since she had put them aside to help her husband finish school and be at home with their kids. I have to say I loved every coaching conversation with Gabriella as she eagerly invested in material, the journaling prompts, and was just incredibly teachable. It's truly that kind of posture that gives the amazing results that she is experiencing now in her relationships, with her goals, and even in her faith. About midpoint through our 12 sessions, Gabriella learned of some earth-shattering news because she had a courageous conversation we had prepared for together. Even though it was hard news, she was finding a firm foundation in the Lord, so the answer didn't have the power to devastate her. Instead, she immediately began processing this difficult news in prayer, through journaling, and even during our coaching calls. And because of our work together with the Enneagram, she had clarity on why this information was so hurtful, how it triggered some of her core fears, and the practical ways she could address it instead of turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms. Gabrielle's husband has also seen so much growth in her faith, her courage and patience with parenting, he also wanted to join in our sessions. I am thrilled to be taking him both through the Becoming Us marriage sessions, and I already see the amazing fruit from their work through the material and their honest conversation with me. Now, isn't this story endearing? I think there is so much to learn. But to help you process the highlights, I have outlined seven tips for awareness to experience growth to apply in parenting and workplace if you are type six. Be proactive to decipher what is actually creating fear in you. It is so much easier to deal with what's known and what is the source of your anxiousness. Putting a name to it can help you deal with it. Second, understand that your loyalty can come across as an overbearing concern for your loved ones. They might feel smothered. Third, set short-term goals and stay focused on how the Lord is directing you. Fourth, no voice gets to be louder than God's voice. Fifth, rein in your need to seek out advice from everyone or have everyone speak into the decision. Sixth, trust yourself a little more in your ability to put a plan into action or keep a cool head in a crisis. Seventh, be cautious of your tendency to project your fears on others, causing you to be clingy. So, friend, as in Enneagram 6, I encourage you to identify the internal message you may have heard your whole life. It could sound something like this. But here's the deal. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, honorable and right and pure, and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me, everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of all peace will be with you. Here's the secret with that one. The most powerful way to change your focus of attention on the negative is to intentionally focus on the best possible outcome. You can do this by thinking on all the true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, and admirable things. And you can also do this when you take time to think of all the ways the Lord has taken care of you. Either in the past or, you know, maybe all those times when things did work out well in the end. Remember how God took care of you and proved Himself a trustworthy and loyal caregiver. So here's one more verse to meditate on. It comes from Psalms 46. It's verses 1 and 2. God is my refuge and strength, an ever-present help in time of need. Therefore, we will not fear. Now I'm excited to dive in on about how the Enneagram 6 gets along, or doesn't get along, with each Enneagram type. But before I give you some of the insights, here is the most important fact about Enneagram and relationships. There is no one perfect type for your personality. Yep, it's true. All types are compatible. The question to ask yourself when considering a relationship or how to engage with that person is to find out whether they are healthy or unhealthy. The answer to that question will make the biggest difference to let you know what your level of interaction might look like with that person. With that foundation laid, here are some general similarities or differences between the types. When an Enneagram 6 works with the Enneagram 1, the 6 may feel a little bit more anxious because they never feel good enough. It's important for the 6 and the 1 to discuss this because the one might end up feeling alone and getting things done. Now both of these types share many similarities, but the six is familiar with the inner committee, which isn't always negative like the Enneagram 1's mean girl inner critic voice. When working together, the six will be more focused on the strategy or scenarios, but the one will most likely believe their way is the right way or that there is only one way. The six may instinctively discern the doubtfulness of the one to their ideas, so it's important to share your approach and trust that the relationship can handle the give and take needed to arrive at a good decision for everyone. Both the Enneagram 2 and Enneagram 6 are both hyperdiligent about the relationships, but the six will be more focused about the security of the relationships. The two will be focused on being needed and wanted. When they understand this about each other and combine their efforts, people will be well taken care of and supported by a good plan. In fact, I've been coaching an Enneagram 2 and an Enneagram 6 couple through the Becoming Us marriage sessions, and I just love how this couple type shows up in their community. Both are highly relational and they look for ways to serve others. One key that has helped them is for the six to not doubt the two's motivation and relationships, and for the two to be slower to take on the responsibility to fix the problems the six might be fixated on. We've also worked a lot on boundaries, as both types tend to struggle with this area the most. The Enneagram 3 and the Enneagram 6 share a unique line of stress and growth. And when the six is stressed, they experience the low side of the three's behavior, which causes them to compare their speed and performance level. And in the end, they're not very satisfied, nor do they feel successful. Also, because the six's trust needs to be won, and we keep talking about that trustworthy leadership, the three will win the six's trust by demonstrating that they value relationship over performance. Nyla, my Enneagram 3 podcast manager, whose husband is a six, mentioned this special detail about their combination. She mentioned that a three can help an Enneagram six trust God even when it doesn't rationally make sense to. A three can help them dwell on the emotion of love, that God is love and his supernatural plan to take care of us, instead of maybe the logical way a six would think that maybe he should take care of you. The Enneagram 4 and Enneagram 6 both employ worst-case scenario planning, thinking, what if questions, and a four can get caught in if only thinking, creating indecision and regret as a team. This struggle, combined with the feelings of misunderstood by others, will often create a special bond between the types. The six's loyalty will endear the four's need to be accepted, even with their fluctuating emotions and authentic moments. They both will have to be cautious though to not spur each other on in their reactive nature to crisis and hardship. Both Enneagram VI and Enneagram V desire to have all the answers, and they will have to learn to work together to add feeling to doing once they've done their research and fact-finding. The six will value the five steadiness, and the five will greatly appreciate the six's loyalty and follow through. Both share the emotional struggle with anxiety, and they may pull each other down when trying something new. When both types are aware of their anxiety, they can help each other mitigate the downward spiral. The five can offer their straightforward rationale, and the six can help plan solutions. And a fun little detail here. If the six has a strong five wing, they will happily spend hours researching what to buy and pouring over Amazon reviews. The Enneagram 6 with an Enneagram 6 could be a ball of nervous energy, unless they are proactive in owning what they fear and voicing their concern. When they both come to the relationship with this awareness, it's been said that when one six is feeling fearful, the other six may respond with optimism, creating a healthy seesaw effect. Also, depending on if they have different, stronger wings or if the six is phobic and the other is more counterphobic, it may create an altogether different dynamic. The six-wing five may tend towards introversion compared to the outgoing nature of the six-wing seven. And the counterphobic six may need to temper their challenging nature and allow the phobic six to voice their fears without needing to immediately fix it. The Enneagram VI and Seven form a long-standing true blue kind of relationship. Both instinctively understand how each other struggles with anxiety. Yet the seven helps the six form mental connections to work their way out of the fears that hold them back, or even figure out the dilemma they're currently facing. The Enneagram VI will struggle with a type 7 ability to imagine the future better than it will be, but this can balance out their fears and concerns. The 7 will have to be patient when a 6 is needing to focus on the current situation and doesn't have the bandwidth or capacity to forecast and dream about the future. Both the 6 and the Enneagram 8 value and share a passion for loyalty in all relationships. But the 6 can tend to be loyal to a fault. They instinctively try to gain their loyalty differently. Sixes will care more about the opinion of others, while the 8 will care more about others agreeing with their opinion. The 6's present focus compared to the future focus eight, and while they are a realist, the six will often be the only one to put out the energy to plan for the worst case scenario. Eights might get frustrated with the six's slower pace, and the six may get annoyed with the speed of an eight. But when the eights slow down and match the methodical pace of the six, they truly can make a powerful plan together. The Enneagram six and the Enneagram 9 share a line of growth and stress. This makes the six and nine reasonably comfortable with one another and they're really great at supporting one another. It will be very fulfilling. Both types will have to create measurable goals for themselves because getting suggestions or directions from each other is probably unlikely. When the nine and six are in a relationship, the nine will gain a sense of caution from the sixes when deciding on partnerships or even discerning who they should receive counsel from. When the six voices their fears and concerns, they will gain a sense of serenity and calm from the nine, who intuitively believes it'll all work out in the end. So I want to know, are you an Enneagram 6? Or do you know an Enneagram 6? I would love to hear what you learned today, whether it was a new fact or maybe it was just compassion, that you now better understand what's going on in an Enneagram 6'mine. I promise that there is transformation and freedom for everyone, no matter your personality, and great relationships to be had. It would mean a lot to me if you would share this episode with your people. You can do that through social media, like in an Instagram story, which be sure to tag at wholeheartedEneagram so I can give a shout out. Or you can just send it through a text or even email. Let your friends know what you learned today or what you enjoyed about this episode. Now I still have one more or maybe a few more details about the Enneagram six, so don't send it yet or don't pause it yet. In general, the sixes I know and coach have a great sense of humor. In fact, most of them can be quite hilarious. Perhaps it comes from their need for laughter when things are tense or their innate ability to see the worst-case scenario thinking as something to laugh about when in the end it all turns out okay. Some sixes might even get disappointed when their strategies and planning don't need to be employed because they have spent time coming up with 26 different strategies to mitigate danger, and when they don't have to use them, it may be let down. During the last couple of years, I have encountered a few type sixes who weren't as anxious as the rest of us because they were well prepared and they planned for the crises of shortages and uncertainties. It was like they were made for moments like these last couple of years. So as we finish this conversation, I want you to remember the insights from the Enneagram, well, they don't put you in a box. Instead, when you combine this newfound self-awareness and the power of the gospel, you can actually get free of the box that you may have felt stuck in your whole life. I'll be back next week with an episode all about the Enneagram 7. We are just two episodes away from finishing. I can't believe it. I hope you've been enjoying this as much as I have. Until next time, friend, continue to pursue God's perspective, purpose, and plans for your wholehearted life.