Enneagram Eights | Thriving at Work and Home

Welcome to the final episode of the Nine Types Spring Series. An episode dedicated to learning all about the Enneagram Eight!

You will want to listen to each episode of this series if you know your Enneagram Type or are beginning your personality discovery journey! You will also want to share this special 9-part series so that your friends and family can learn about the Enneagram and maybe figure out their personality Type. Best of all if you listen to learn about each Type it will really help you know how to strengthen your relationships no matter their Type. Whether you are married, raising kids, or working with others, chances are that you are interacting with all the Nine Enneagram personalities! 

Past episodes about Enneagram Sevens:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/am-i-a-writer-a-conversation-with-enneagram-eight/id1216920050?i=1000534533183

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/women-of-the-word-2022-guest-marian-jordan/id1216920050?i=1000547458060

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/crucial-parenting-conversations-with-enneagram-eight/id1216920050?i=1000530808361

https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/simply-wholehearted-podcast/id1216920050?i=1000493746732

https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/simply-wholehearted-podcast/id1216920050?i=1000522940907

Amy's Enneagram Momprenuer Guide free PDF found here!

Take the new Enneagram Quiz here!

Follow Amy on IG
Amy's Website

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:03

Hi, I'm Amy Wicks, a Jesus and Enneagram enthusiast. As a wife, mama of three humans, and a fur baby, I get it. Juggling entrepreneurship in a family is challenging, but I believe the Lord does want your work to be enjoyable. As an Enneagram type 7, I am all about the fun factor. And this podcast is here to help you put the joy back into working mom life. So you can see 1 Timothy 617 come to pass in your own thing. It's a verse that says, God has given us all things to enjoy. All friends, it means all. Motherhood, work from home life, or work out of the home life. With the Lord's help, there's truly a way to feel calm, balance, joy, clarity, and peace in any arena of life. Welcome to the Simply Wholehearted Podcast, where you can expect solo-style and interview-style episodes that are full of faith-based concepts, simple ideas, Enneagram insights, alongside practical tips to help you put that smile back on your face when it comes to doing life with Jesus. Now get your headphones and head to that big pile of dishes in the sink, or maybe that bathroom that needed cleaning two weeks ago. And let's get to learning together. Whether you are new to the Enneagram or you are a sage, or maybe even an Enneagram coach yourself, there is so much to learn in each of these episodes about all nine Enneagram types. Also, if you've listened this far, I hope you've also shared these episodes with your friends and family. This is really a great way to learn about the Enneagram and to discover more about each type so they too can discover their Enneagram personality. And also you've probably figured this out by now, but if you're married, raising kids, working with others, well, chances are that you're interacting with all the nine Enneagram personalities. So this is so helpful to listen to and have perspective about how others think and the lens that they are looking through. Now, if this is your first time listening to one of the episodes of this series, well, you're about to learn this well-kept secret. And that is you are able to utilize character traits of all nine personality types because you are made in God's image. And the triune nature of God is all the nine Enneagram types and more. You can reflect God's nature and all his character traits too when you're living as a beloved child of our Heavenly King. I promise that Scripture wouldn't tell you to be imitators of Christ if it wasn't possible. So I hope you're listening to every episode in this series to see what positive attributes that you can learn about each Enneagram personality. Now, each of the episodes in this spring series spotlights one Enneagram number per episode, and I did a deep dive into each type in less than 30 minutes, or at least right at 30 minutes. I shared things like a checklist of each Enneagram's typical attributes, what that personality looked like as a child, core traits, how to spot the healthy characteristics, understanding the cautions, plus I included workplace and parenting tips. I even gave an overview about how each Enneagram types connects with all the other types. And of course, I told a good story along the way. So you can expect that not only in this episode, but in every single episode of this series. And at the very end of the episode, I'm going to share my favorite takeaway that I would love you to know about the Enneagram 8. And if you haven't yet done so, now is your chance to get your free Enneagram from Mompreneurs Guide. This is the Enneagram Guidebook for moms who desire to thrive in their faith, family, and business. You can use the link in the show notes or head to simply wholehearted.com to get your free copy of the beautiful PDF with content and as insightful as this podcast series for each Enneagram personality. You can gain even more understanding of your personality type strengths and learn about the small pivots that you can make today. Are you ready to dive in? Okay. First up are the 10 common traits of an Enneagram 8. 1. You are assertive and aggressive when you need to be. Two, you will balk at anyone trying to control or manipulate you. 3. You put all your cards on the table as you value directness. 4. You tend to be a nonconformist and independent. 5. You respect those who stand up for themselves, even if they're standing up to you. 6. You tend to champion the cause and the rights of the underdog. 7. You may tend to verbally spar with those to create interesting moments and discussions. 8. In large groups, you tend to observe and are ready to jump in when someone needs to be challenged or championed. 9. You may have been told once or twice that you are too blunt. And ten, you enjoy the intensity of high energy situations. Now, did you find yourself nodding your head to most of these traits? Or did a person or two come to mind that you know fits this description? If yes, you might be an Enneagram 8 or know someone who is. But here is a very important fact about the Enneagram that you need before listening to any more of this. The Enneagram identifies motivations, not outward behavior. Of course, there are common character traits or behavior patterns of each personality type. But the question to always ask yourself is what is the motivation behind the action? Or what is your core fear, longing, desire, or emotion behind your conduct? You and I may have done the same things in life, such as finding our soulmate, growing a family, and even starting a business. But we are likely to have different motivations behind those actions. You see, if all nine types faced a similar crisis, like getting stuck in an elevator, each person may react the same way, such as pulling out their phone, getting emotional, maybe yelling for help, but the reason behind their action would be different. So same actions but different motivations. With this important key in mind about the Enneagram, here are some core motivations attributed to the Enneagram 8. An Enneagram 8 desires to protect themselves. And they're rarely mistyped, but they can be misidentified as a feeling type due to their tendency towards their passionate nature, or perhaps even as a mind type due to their studious passion for all things. An Enneagram 8 has a tendency to aim towards getting a reaction, whether it's positive or negative, from others. They also focus on protecting themselves from being controlled. AIDS are motivated by their desire to be in control and behave self-reliantly. They want to have an impact in the world and feel a measure of invincibility. AIDS strongly dislike being interrupted, slow down, or cut off by others by what they cannot control. Because an Enneagram aid has a strong desire to protect themselves, it might propel them to be hard on others. And this personality is naturally courageous and straightforward, has a passion for upholding just causes and protecting those close to them. So when an aide is at their best, they're self-restrained, generous, merciful, and forbearing. They can be courageous and willing to put themselves in serious jeopardy to achieve their vision and to have a lasting influence. Healthy aides may achieve true heroism and historical greatness. Now, with all of these strong and wonderful qualities, you might be asking, well, what's so hard for a type eight? Well, an eight longs to hear from their parents, spouse, and loved ones is that they will not be betrayed. This means aides fear weakness, powerlessness, and being underestimated. They also don't like being at the mercy of injustice or defending others who fail to appreciate them. An Enneagram 8 is likely to try to protect themselves from being betrayed by not being vulnerable with others. So if you have a good friend that's an Enneagram 8 and they trust you with the intimate details of their life or are vulnerable with you, just know that that is a great honor. You've probably heard me say before that the best way to determine your true personality type is when you take a quiz or read a book or listen to material on the type is to listen and filter the information of what you were most like as a child. Or if that feels too far back, just remember and answer the questions based on your 18-year-old motivations. So with that in mind, here's what a type 8 might look like as a child. An Enneagram 8 kid does not like being controlled. They are independent and they may come across as a loner. The Enneagram 8 often volunteers first to take charge and lead others, whether it's play or in practical needs. Their childhood experience reinforces them to believe that betrayal is inevitable, and this keeps their emotional and relational defenses high. Therefore, they typically only let a small handful of trusted people in their inner world. Type 8 children can come across as confrontational and antagonistic, and this is typically their unique way of engaging with those who they care about to test to see if these loved ones will match their personality strength. Yes, indeed, they're testing you. As a child, the Enneagram 8 will desire to champion and defend the defenseless, and their radar is highly sensitive for those who are downtrodden, being taken advantage of, or helpless. Now, if the Enneagram 8 child is in an unhealthy environment or their desire for control and power goes unchecked, they could be the bully on the playground. But just because they're the bully, they're not the Enneagram 8, so be careful with that one. The Enneagram 8 is usually typically very passionate and expressive from an early age, and they tend to hate it if they don't love it. Of course, this is going to require gentle guidance to balance these extreme. Now, if you've listened to all of this and you're pretty sure that you are an Enneagram 8 and you are also a parent, I have some special encouragement and caution for you. As an Enneagram 8 parent, you are devoted to helping your children to be confident and you're great at encouraging responsibility. You're very involved and caring, but sometimes it might be a little too much, as in maybe a little too overprojective. You are genuinely motivated to not give in to social convention, and you defy fear, shame, and concern about what others think of you and your parenting style. Your parenting superpower will enable you to not let others' opinions sway you, and you might use your determination to inspire your kids to show up generously. Of course, there are many things to be cautious about as an Enneagram 8 parent, but I have three practical tips today. When you create a plan, you may also try to control the plan with an all or nothing attitude. And sometimes this may cause you to come across as too forceful in your decision. I would encourage you to be open to others' opinions and ideas so your kids feel heard and valued. You may also try to control showing emotions stemming from sadness and disappointment and only communicate when you love it or hate it. But your children really do need to see the whole range of emotions, not just your extremes. You also believe your children should pull their own weight, but remember the goal is to exercise patience as they really do need your loving guidance to learn what those responsibilities are. Remember, my Enneagram 8 parent plays your confidence in your Heavenly Father, who created the heavens and earth as he still has everything under his control and in his loving and capable hands. Now for some story time with Amy. Here's a little tale about one of my Enneagram 8 coaching clients, and of course I've changed their name and a few of the story details to make it a little bit more fun to listen to today. Penelope wasn't 100% certain at first that she was a type 8, but when she heard another type 8 describe their childhood wound, she immediately identified her own and could see how the descriptions of the eight described much of her perspective and point of view. For most of her life, she had struggled with feelings like she didn't fit the mold of a typical Christian female. She was very aware of her desire and ability to nurture, but she was also a force to be reckoned with when people abused or took advantage of the helpless and weak. Penelope also struggled with her temper a lot of her life, and it didn't take much to set her off or for her to react in anger, especially during those tumultuous teenage years. Her college years were better, and compared to her high school years, she had a more positive experience due to the fact that there was more control over her schedule in classes, including the types of people that she could hang out with during her free time. Now, Penelope had never had a large group of friends, though she was liked by many people, she really had preferred to spend time with just a small handful of friendships, particularly the ones that felt safe. She has joked at times that her best friends were the family pets because they were reliable and loyal and that they were never going to betray her. When Penelope became a mom, she felt the rush of protective love that she knew she had been waiting to share her whole life. She was surprised as two more joined the family, and the intensity of her love grew, even though the mundane rhythm of motherhood was a struggle in the early years. Once Penelope's first child started school, she began to find opportunities to get involved with lots of local organizations to promote change for the betterment of her community. As her network expanded, she also discovered a need that gave her the inspiration to begin her own business. Penelope knew that she was able to get more done than most of her peers or those around her, but she also struggled with being impatient, angry, and blunt them more often than not with her kids. Her default was to expect others to know and do what she knew and to just do it. When Penelope would feel overwhelmed or that she was the only one responsible carrying all the burdens, she would withdraw, feeling frustrated and upset and uncertain how to communicate without the anger. Over time, she was beginning to see that her do-it-all or nothing mentality and the short few she had were hurting her relationships. And that's when she decided to work with me, an Enneagram coach. After working with Penelope for six months, it was amazing to see the transformation. For the first time, Penelope felt that there was someone who really got her and gave her words to articulate the swirl going on in her body. Together, we began to simplify a consistent routine, and we implemented spiritual rhythms, which led to greater self-control with her anger and emotional eating. She also implemented a simple conversation method to help her speak the truth in a kinder manner, and this has helped her form stronger bonds with her kids and her husband. As Penelope has gained greater awareness about her triggers, it has brought healing to past experiences and empowered her to respond thoughtfully instead of just reacting instinctively. Lately, I've had several Enneagram eights sign up for coaching, and it thrills me because when an eight is ready to learn from someone else, it means that they are truly open and ready for a change, which are the key ingredients for success with coaching. So did you catch the seven tips for awareness to experience growth as an Enneagram eight? Well, if you got caught up in Penelope's story and you didn't catch them, here are seven tips for awareness as a parent and to also apply in the workplace if you are an Enneagram 8. First, allow for input as you may cross the line between control and protective empowerment. Second, learn to see the world through other viewpoints in addition to your own. Third, work on being less blunt, not less truthful. Fourth, be aware that when you are angry, you may blame others and be in denial about your own role. Fifth, even if others don't engage in conflict, they are still trustworthy. Sixth, ratchet down your delight in revenge. And seventh, beware of burnout. Yes, you are amazing and you have lots of superpowers, but you too need to rest. If you're in Enneagram 8, you may identify this internal message you have heard your whole life. It sounds a little something like this. If I keep my guard up and don't get too close, then I won't be betrayed. Here's the deal, friend. You can make a choice to rest from the inner drive to control your emotions and accept Christ's gift of protection as you practice moments of stillness. Here is a truth to meditate on from 2 Thessalonians 3.3. But the Lord is faithful, he will strengthen you and guard you against the evil one. I know when you begin to believe that the Lord is truly trustworthy and he will never betray your trust, it helps you put all your trust in him and know that he will protect you even if you are betrayed. And best of all, I've had a few Enneagram 8 clients share with me that when they became more vulnerable with the Lord and their times of prayer and conversation and journaling, that they felt freer to be honest and vulnerable with those that are closest to them. It's been a liberating process for many Enneagram 8s when they learn to share all of who they are with their Heavenly Father. Now, this is probably the segment you have been waiting for, and that is to learn about how the Enneagram 8 gets along or doesn't get along with each Enneagram type. But before I dive in, here is another important fact about the Enneagram, and specifically Enneagram and relationships. There is no one perfect type for your personality. Yep, that's it. All types are compatible. The only question to ask yourself when considering a relationship or how to engage in that relationship is whether or not that person is healthy or unhealthy. This is going to make a big difference in knowing your level of interaction with that personality. Now here are some general similarities or differences between the types. An Enneagram 1 and Enneagram 8 both have similar commitment levels to be right, but they don't share the same focus. The Enneagram 1 focuses on the needs to fix things and can often identify the solutions. The Enneagram 8 are aware of the problem and they tend to be proactive about correcting the issues and enjoy being a part of the solution. They both share a passion for truth and justice. And when they work together, they can right a lot of wrongs. The Enneagram 8 and the Enneagram 2 share a line and a pattern of growth. And at the core, the Enneagram 8 shares a tenderness and vulnerability that are unique to these two personalities. Now the 8 tends to cover these traits with a tough exterior, and they only show this tenderness to a favorite few. The two, well, they're more sensitive to others and outwardly focused. It might happen that the two could feel resentful at the 8's tendency to snowplow, but they can also both display at the same level intensity for both people and projects. They can be a great team when they work together. The Enneagram 8 and the Enneagram 3 are similar in their drive, ambition, and their focus on the future. But the three will be more outwardly emotive and be very aware of others' emotions, even if they can't name their own. The 8 will often be oblivious to people's emotions and their desire to implement change. If the eight will be willing to rely on the three to Make sure people are doing well in the process of this change and the ambition and the drive, then this will be a healthy way for them both to work together and to get things done. Recently, the well-known IndieRam teacher Ian Cron mentioned that eights are fours turned inside out. I would agree and would elaborate that both types are equally tender, fearful of vulnerability, and both incredibly passionate. Now I know the four is going to be more willing to express their tenderness, and they'll be more quietly passionate when compared to the tough and intense passion of the eights. But both types can be great friends and balance each other out as they're both committed to authenticity, not only in themselves, but in others. Now the Enneagram eight and the Enneagram V share similar character traits when they're stressed. But when a five is growing in self-awareness and are becoming healthy, they do exhibit the positive traits of the eight. Most of all, they're going to put their knowledge into action. Both types are prone to retreating and information gathering, especially when they're feeling uncertain, or if the eight personality, well, if they're feeling burned out, like I mentioned before, right? The caution to not be the superhero. In the end, when they work together, the eight will help put the Enneagram 5's amazing plans into action. And the five will help balance out the eight's intensity. When the Enneagram 8 can slow down and match the methodical pace of the 6, they can make a powerful plan. The Enneagram 8 is future focused, and while they are realists, they aren't as present focused, nor will they put their energy to plan for the worst case scenario like the 6. The 6 and the 8 are both fiercely loyal, but they approach relationships very differently. The six will care for more about the opinion of others, while the eight will care about others agreeing with their opinion. The Enneagram 8 and Enneagram 7 are both powerful forces to be reckoned with when they put their mind to accomplishing or making change happen. Both are future focused. They don't care to stop or be slowed down to process emotions. The seven would prefer to avoid the painful emotions, and the eight, while they struggle to process emotion that isn't connected to anger or passion. These types, though, can make for an excellent pairing when they're willing to support each other's vision and they share common interests. It's important to note that an Enneagram 8 with a 7 wing is very different than an Enneagram 8 with a 9 wing, and this can create a disconnect when you least expect it. The Enneagram 8 Wing 7 displays endless energy, and that can come across as scattered, while the 8 Wing 9 will be more methodical and organized in their approach to relationships, tasks, or environments. No matter the wings, when the eights who are teaming up can clarify and divide up responsibilities, things will go smoothly and both will feel well supported and cared for. It will take a great deal of maturity and growth for an Enneagram 8 to follow the lead of an Enneagram 9, but I promise you it can happen. When the 9 has a proper amount of space and time to process what they need to do, they can follow through and communicate with the reliability and responsibility that the 8 is looking for. The Enneagram 9 will help temper the 8's intensity and provide thoughtful perspective when processing opinions and worldviews. And the 8 will help champion the interests and opinions of the 9 when they are teamed up for a greater purpose. Wow, I gave you a lot to consider in this episode and in this whole series. I would love to know what did you learn? What have you enjoyed from this Enneagram series? Maybe you're learning more about someone that you live with, or more about yourself, or even enjoyed learning about what makes you you. I hope that you will take time to share with your people about this series and a little bit more about yourself. Now, I have one more valuable insight about the eight that has been most transformative to me. In fact, you may have heard me mention about how some of my best friends are eights, and I think it's because I found it so helpful to realize that an eight was not trying to be insensitive or rude when they were blunt or not sugarcoating things. Here's the deal, they don't sugarcoat things because they appreciate it when people are blunt. I used to get so annoyed and angry at AIDS for saying things in an insensitive way, but now I have a ton of compassion for them. And I see that they're just trying to treat people how they themselves like to be treated. They're trying to be kind with their bluntness. I know, hard to believe, but it's true. But I do now consider myself loved when that Enneagram eight shoots straight with me. In fact, I really count on those relationships to tell me the honest truth and be forthright. So as we conclude these series, there's so much to remember. But ultimately, the insight of the Enneagram doesn't put you in a box. Instead, when you combine your newfound self-awareness with the power of the gospel, you can get free of the box you feel stuck in. Next week I'll be back with a shorter summer series, and the first episode will be all about the number one problem that makes summer hard for the mom premier. Oh, I have got so much good and fun in store. I can't wait to dive in. Until next time, friend, continue to pursue God's perspective, purpose, and plans for your wholehearted life.