Hope in the Hard: Finding Gratitude When Family Disappoints You (+ guest Kristen Yeh)

The holidays can bring both joy and heartache, especially when family relationships carry unhealed pain. In this vulnerable conversation, Amy and guest Wholehearted coach Kristen Yeh explore how faith and gratitude can steady us when love feels anything but easy.

Together, they talk about how to find hope in the hard —not by pretending everything’s fine, but by letting gratitude reshape what we notice, receive, and release.

Whether you’re navigating distance, disappointment, or deep wounds, this conversation offers spiritual rhythms and gentle encouragement to help you stay grounded in God’s goodness, even when relationships still ache.

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.” Hebrews 10:23 NIV

Hope isn’t naive optimism; it’s a practice of faith. And gratitude becomes a spiritual rhythm that reorients us toward what is true and good when everything else feels uncertain.

Learn more about Kristen's 5-Day Gratitude Journey: https://mailchi.mp/thriveenneagram/5-day-gratitude

Resources mentioned:

• Kristen's past episode on Simply Wholehearted: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/gratitude-can-shift-any-attitude-with-wholehearted/id1216920050?i=1000673821444 
• Advent Podcast Playlist + Gift Giving Guide → https://www.simplywholehearted.com/enneagram-gift-guide

The Enneagram can name your patterns. It can't set you free from them. That's the difference between insight and transformation, and it's the whole focus of this summit.

Learn more, check out the speakers & get your free seat!

https://www.simplywholehearted.com/wholehearted-2026

Transcript

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SPEAKER_01 1:40

Plans, parties, and presents. These days always seem to blur together, don't they? But what is Christmas and Advent season really all about? Well, for you, the multi-passionate woman who's seeking purpose, Advent is an invitation to take a sacred pause, to refocus on God, on you, and on your people. Welcome to the 9th annual Wholehearted Advent Podcast Series, sharing wisdom and transformation for the moments that matter most. Kristen, I'm honored that you would join us today to talk about the joy and heartache that comes with this pending season. This season that is festive and fun, but also really provoking because of what we might be missing, or our expectations that are going to be unmet, or our desires that are unanswered. I'm confident that what any of us are going to say today is not fluff, it's not pat answers, it's for real life and real relationships. And it's hard fought for. Would that be true, Kristen? Oh, for sure. For sure. It's the wholehearted journey for a reason. It's a journey. A hundred percent. And if I've failed to emphasize that word to you before or for the first time you're hearing it, just hear us. We both believe that it's not a one and done, wholehearted is not a goalpost out there. It's an ongoing process and a journey until we're face to face with our savior. So with that, in fact, when I think of journey, I think of movement, I think of walking, I think of my daily walks with the dog, and I think of the many conversations that Kristen and I had early on in our now friendship. And we got connected through Voxer because Kristen was doing the Your Enneagram coach program, the BEC certification. And I had offered at the time support for those who went through the program. We could chat on Voxer. And I just remember this delightful Enneagram five, sharing her life, sharing her questions. But not only that, she was so coachable. She took what I said and she actually did it. And I was like, who is this woman? This is amazing. So that was some of my first engagement with you. And it's just blossomed over the years. Goodness, we're at least three, three years or so into this friendship. And so I'm really excited to have you be here today and just share more about what gratitude has done in your life.

SPEAKER_00 4:39

Yeah, thank you. I'm really happy to be here. And it's a joy to be walking this road alongside you.

SPEAKER_01 4:44

Agreed. You've definitely been an emotional and spiritual support for many women in your life, not only in your community, but as a coach and even within our coaches collective. So I just love to celebrate that and share that. I'm curious for you, Kristen. This could run a gamut of things and it could apply to so many different facets of life, really. But what is a way that the Enneagram has helped you in a recent situation or maybe even in a current relationship?

SPEAKER_00 5:16

Yeah, this is a hard question because I use it all the time. And so pinpointing it is was a little bit, I had to think about it. I use it all the time. I think the most the thing that I use the most in my relationships is just curiosity. Because as an Enneagram 5, that's one of my superpowers. And so I'm using it all the time in relationships to not assume and to be curious. And then another superpower is logic and reason and problem solving and really try having a calm emotional presence in the midst of what could be swirling emotions. And we just saw that recently. We had a uh a pretty tragic situation with some extended family members. And I was able to jump in and like my five-ness shone because I was able to go into problem solving mode. Thankfully, everybody was okay. It was okay, but problem solving mode of what do we need? What immediate needs need to be met? And how are we going to navigate the next couple of days? And who do I need to talk to? And what information do I need to get? And just a calm presence in the midst of what was a really difficult situation. And so I was just grateful that God brings different personalities together because there are certain moments when that is needed, and there are certain moments when other things are needed. But in that specific moment, it was just a joy to be able to walk alongside and use my God-given gifts in that situation.

SPEAKER_01 7:05

I love how you paint the picture of what a non-anxious presence looks like because we hear that phrase tossed around. Even as coaches, we talk about it. How can we offer that non-anxious presence? We talk about it for attachment parenting and connecting in our families. But you just spelled out what it looks like to embody that and knowing details of the situation, you really were able to come in and just rise to the occasion and offer your hero strength in that moment from your gift set and your wiring that I think is really beautiful and it speaks a lot to you, but then also the gift of knowing yourself.

SPEAKER_00 7:51

And there are different ways to love people in different situations. And sometimes it looks like all of these practical things, and it's a way to show care to people. So I was grateful to be able to use that.

SPEAKER_01 8:05

Yeah, absolutely. It was certainly a gift. As you've continued to use the Enneagram over the years, not just as a coaching tool, but in your life, we're talking about it on the regular through Voxer, on our collective calls, at retreats. You've really walked through a lot of tough seasons in the last several years, especially. And probably a friend listening to this is nodding their head too, going, yeah, the last few years has just been event after event, crisis after crisis, struggle after struggle. And as I look to 2026, there is nothing guaranteed except for struggles in this life. And that's why we're invited to find Jesus as our rock and our say fortress to get through those difficult times. So I'd love to just hear, as you've walked and navigated these different difficult seasons, how have you seen God meet you in that? And what are some of the themes or the stories that stand out to you from these last several years?

SPEAKER_00 9:13

Yeah. God has met me in so many ways, both big and small. And I think the overarching theme of this time is just he has allowed me to see his character in ways that I never would have before. I have seen his tenderness, I've seen his kindness, I've seen his care, I've seen him as a gentle God who just walks alongside of me. And that's been a gift during this really difficult season. There's a verse, three verses from Psalm 62 that say, Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress, where I will not be shaken. Trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge. And I've experienced that. I've seen him as a steady presence in the midst of circumstances that are swirling. And that's really been a gift. And I think, especially when family relationships are difficult, whether it's an estrangement or whether it's somebody that you see, but the interactions are just really hard, you know, there's a lot of grief associated with that. And that grief comes in waves, and you just never know when it's going to hit. And so having God as that refuge, as that solid ground, as that steady presence in the midst of uh circumstances that I don't know how they're gonna end up has just been a real gift. And in the midst of deep pain from a mother's heart, God can handle that. He wants us to come to him with our whole selves, he wants us to bring that grief, that disappointment, that fear, that regret, the all the horror that we're experiencing, he wants to walk through that with us. And so in doing that and in practicing that and in growing in that, yeah, I'm not gonna say I have any of this down perfectly, but I'm growing in it. He's teaching me to live more open-handed, to continually give it over to him when I'm trying to hold it and onto for myself. It's a continual release process that he's walking me through. And he's just so kind to keep showing ways that he sees me. I was in the midst of a mom's in prayer meeting, and this was with ladies that I had never met. It was a gathering up for several districts, and I didn't know these ladies, and so they didn't know any of my story. And one of the ladies right next to me stood up beside me and she just started praying. God, I just feel called to pray for the woman who is just navigating a really difficult relationship with an adult child. And I just felt like God tapped me on the shoulder and said, See, I'm here. I see you, I have you, you are not alone. And so it's he's done that in multiple ways and has just been so faithful to be there for me in a way that I didn't know before going through this difficult time.

SPEAKER_01 12:59

Kristen, that is powerful. Even the verse that you highlighted there, you and I have talked about a little bit what we're talking about, but not specifics. And the fact that I related that we have a strong fortress and a tower and of a strength in hard times, and you read that verse, but this intimate, detailed story of God seeing you in such a specific way is moving. And I know that's one of the ways that I've seen you walk through these last several years is you in, and probably a spoiler alert, this is probably from a practice of gratitude, but I've heard you recount the ways that the Lord has met you or shown his love towards you in a lot of little details in life. It's what you share in your weekly emails, you share those stories, those God winks. I call them the week and a nod, God smiles. And that is such a powerful one where I know it's moments like that that help us hold on when everything else is feeling bleak and dark. And like you said, a lot of times we have no idea how this is gonna end up. It's not like a storybook that we're guaranteed happy endings.

SPEAKER_00 14:17

No, it's not, and it's I think it's it's those little things that help us to keep keep moving and to keep remembering. So that word remember just keeps coming up for me over and over again. And it it correlates with the gratitude because gratitude is a way to remember, a way to remember the goodness of the Lord, a way to remember how he meets us in the everyday. And so by writing that down every day, by just consistently looking for it in the everyday moments, it's a way for me to remind myself of who God is and how he does show up.

SPEAKER_01 15:05

I love that you alluded to what I was starting to unpack was the gratitude practice. And I think it was only a year ago. I was, it was funny because I'll just side note, I was looking through my past episodes, and now I have, I don't know, I think eight, nine years of advent seasons, and I was trying to pick the best of. And there were conversations I was sure that were only a year ago, that were two, three, four, five years ago. But I believe last year we talked very specifically about gratitude, the practice of gratitude, and what we what you and I are talking about here is how that practice has created this fruit in your life of noticing. And we're gonna definitely talk about more of the gratitude journey that you are specifically inviting women into this year. And I've loved the different iterations of how you have walked this out yourself, but then invited other women to it. But before we talk through that and also just maybe even the bigger Enneagram picture here, what does it look like for you? Or how can others acknowledge pain rather than dismissing it or just skating through it, ignoring it, all the different things. What does it look like, maybe even for you personally, to acknowledge the pain and work through it instead of trying to just get over it or push past it or push it down, all the different ways that we operate sometimes unhealthfully?

SPEAKER_00 16:39

Yeah, I mean, it's been so freeing to honestly just speak about it, to talk about it. Because uh it's it's this beautiful gift of when I've started to be vulnerable and sharing parts of my story, other women can come around me and support me, and I can walk alongside them in their pain too. It makes us human. And so just acknowledging that pain that we all have helps knit our hearts to one another, and then we can point each other to the Lord. The Lord wants us to live our authentic real selves in community. That's why He gives us relationships. And I'm not saying that you tell your whole story to everybody that you meet, but when you have a trusted group that you can really be yourself in, God is so faithful to meet you there in it when you're able to name that pain. Naming it is the first step in in the healing process, and that is a journey, and it's just one step at a time.

SPEAKER_01 17:57

That vulnerability step is an act of faith and trust and ongoing process. And uh what I'd love for you to speak to a little bit here because vulnerability is really that first step in the right direction for most of us. And I did a I say silly, but it was actually serious. I've just done it in my fun seven way, and that is I've done stories from my basement series this last year on Instagram. And as I was processing disappointment in real time because we tried to sell our house, not even one offer, it didn't happen, my motivations were good. We were actually just trying to get closer to the school my kids are going to. It was just like a real, it felt like a need, not even a want. So I was processing what does disappointment look like? And for a seven, that's big. I was looking through the different types and the patterns and how we're different and the same. I was looking at how when we look at one of the triads here, we can look at the one, threes, and fives specifically. And you as a type five, I think could just speak into this because a five is if the one, three, and five, they're what is called the competency triad. Again, this is one of the many triads, but there's typically a focus on logic, problem solving, either the right way, successfully, maybe even the more efficient way. And then for fives, like the competent, knowledgeable way. And so could you give us a little skin on that description? Because sometimes we read it, and especially for not those types, it's hard to identify with that process, but maybe you could let us know what that would look like for you as you've processed disappointment over the years or even in this coming season.

SPEAKER_00 19:46

Yeah, I think uh competency is huge for the five. I want to be prepared, I want to know what's coming, I want to make sure that I can anticipate. And the nature of life is that you can't. That's never gonna be the case. And so just acknowledging okay, I want to feel competent in this area, and really, it's the Lord's job to give me the words to speak. It's not my job to figure all of this out. We're studying the book of Exodus in my Bible study right now, and the Bible memory verse for this week is the Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still. And I've just been going over that in my mind just these past couple days because um I don't need to fight, I don't need to armor up. It's the Lord that's fighting, He's fighting my battles for me, and I just need to be still, and I can't hear him unless I'm still. And so there's really been just a realization, even in the last couple of days, of how competency relates to stillness. That I if I'm trying to be competent, I'm striving, I'm working, I'm trying to get there. But what the Lord's asking me to be is just still. He's asking me to rest in him, he's asking me to listen to the still small voice of the Holy Spirit and to obey when he asks me to. So it's been just a newfound realization. And um I think it's a little bit of freedom in that, even in the last couple of days.

SPEAKER_01 21:40

Wow, that is so good. You talk about the spiral, and Deanna and I last week were talking about that, about the self-striving spiral and oftentimes what ends up in self-sabotage. And I think that alludes to the pattern that can quickly cause us to create harm in the situation or to others or to ourselves instead of moving forward. And so the fact that I yeah, I just love how you really put some skin on it and helped us see what that could look like in our own lives. And to your point, for the fives to be put in the competency triad, I'm like, well, they are like they own that triad, I think, at that level. I certainly for me, my my seven nature fits in the positive outlook triad. And the two seven and nine fit in that category. I'm married to a nine. So you can imagine the seven and nine pairing in our home. We might rush through disappointment, not spend time there, not take care of the hearts and the emotions involved, and just effort to either I don't want to be limited by the pain, certainly not trapped into in it. And the nine gets fearful of the disunity that disappointment can cause or pain or any of the unsettledness that has happened in their life. And then for the twos, disappointment might equal not being wanted or needed and therefore not being loved. And so their goal oftentimes, and for I can speak for myself, is not only do I want to put a positive spin, but I want to get everyone else to put a positive spin. And if they're not in sync with me on that, that creates some friction and then creates further disappointment because then you have this sad. Argument on top of a disappointment or disunity. And then the other types, the four, six, and eight, they fit in the reactive triad. And they're the type that amps up and they're really looking to elicit engagement or try to get others to participate in the disappointment in some way, to get other people to notice so their safety, to be seen, to change the situation and to to maybe to make it better, but to certainly get other people to move through it. And so I think it's really helpful to understand when we're going through these disappointing moments in in life, during the holidays, when we're looking at a season after season of disappointment, that we're all processing in different ways. And it's helpful to notice for ourselves, to be able to name it, have some language around it, and then also go, okay, my starting point isn't my step point. How can I take that noticing of, oh, I'm, I tend to operate from this positive outlook. How can I slow down? How can I notice a little bit longer? How can I not rush them past pain? Or just these other ways. There are upstream practices in this moment of disappointment that we can step into. And that's the beauty ultimately of using the Enneagram as an insight tool and with the guide by the side who can help us step into these practices, not just notice, not just become aware, but actually have transformation in place. So that way we can not only heal ourselves, but just demonstrate what it looks like to live into that wholehearted place, even in tough times.

SPEAKER_00 25:31

Yeah, and I loved how you painted a picture of all the different types because we tend to think that everybody should handle it the way that we do. And we get frustrated when somebody is handling disappointment a different way. But it's just it produces so much empathy when we can understand how another person is experiencing that disappointment and why they're reacting the way that they are. And then we can sit with them with compassion and with kindness and with care instead of with frustration.

SPEAKER_01 26:03

Yeah, absolutely. And engage with that tenderness. And okay, so in that, I know one of the intentional practices that you have employed and invited others, which we've done it as a coaching group. You've invited us to practice gratitude together. And like I said, you've invited people in different ways and different rhythms, and it has just been, it's produced beautiful fruit in our group. And I, yeah, I've just loved how you've done it. And I've learned along the way every time that you've hosted an opportunity to journey through that. Tell me some ideas, give us some, again, some pictures, some stories, some of the experiences of what it's gratitude has done to soften our hearts, to stay in relationships even when it's hard. What's what have you seen in your life or in others?

SPEAKER_00 26:59

Yeah, I gratitude has has helped me reframe my perspective. When you're in the midst of a really hard season with relationships, your vision is tunnel vision for a little bit because it's it's just difficult. And what gratitude has really helped me do is to hold, like you alluded to, the both and yes, this is hard. I'm not minimizing that, I'm not dismissing it, I'm recognizing it. And there is so much joy and goodness and blessing that I am experiencing. So I'm holding both things at the same time. And so what gratitude has allowed me to do is to see those good things, to notice them, to anticipate them, to plan for them in a way that lightens my heart in the midst of something that's really hard. And the more that I've practiced gratitude, the more that I find to be grateful for. What we look for, we find. And so when I'm looking for those little things, and I'm not talking about huge things, I'm talking about like a beautiful sunrise on the way to work, or a flower that I see on my walk, or a delicious first sip of tea, or a meal that just is perfectly seasoned. It's all of those little things, a laugh that I share with my kids, a hug from my husband. It's all of those small things that when you combine them all together, just give you a new frame through which you can see what's happening. So that you're not solely focused on what's hard.

SPEAKER_01 29:03

It is a perspective shift for sure. I know you've spent several years practicing this and inviting women to it. Uh how does this look on a day-to-day? Do you just do it certain times a year, year or personally? What does your practice look like? And is it on random pieces of paper? Do you have a formal process? Tell us.

SPEAKER_00 29:27

It's evolved. It started out just with trying it for a season. And I did that for a season, and I found a couple things every day to be grateful for. And then I am when I started inviting other people, the at the aspect of accountability was hugely. Yes. Such a huge blessing to me just to know that we were journeying through it together and sharing our gratitude with one another. So I committed with a friend to do that for a whole year where we committed to each other that we are going to write down three things that we were grateful for every day. And so that's really started a daily practice for me. So what it looks like for me is I get up in the morning and the first thing I do is I take out my journal and I write down three things that I am grateful for for the day prior. And it just settles my heart. I can take a deep breath. I can exhale and I can recognize okay, like these are things that I can know. This is who the Lord is, and this is what He's given me. And it just is a beautiful way to start the day. And so I love doing it by myself in the morning, and I absolutely love doing it with other people because it's helped me so much to find those blessings.

SPEAKER_01 30:59

You talk about the practice, the rhythm, you have a place for it. I think this is really important when we're building a habit, and then that added layer of accountability within community. That is powerful. Okay, I've talked about it many times. You've done this before. You you invite others into the process, you've practiced it, you just shared what it looks like for you personally. So this year you're inviting people to the journey a little bit differently. So, what does that look like? And the woman who's hearing this going, yes, I want to, I start it, I stop it, I love the idea, I aspire to be more grateful. This is a hard year, and I need something else to focus on besides the disappointment of the season or what I don't or what is unknown in the days ahead.

SPEAKER_00 31:54

Yeah, so I'm inviting people to join in a five-day gratitude journey. It's a free journey that I'm hosting via email this year. And so when you sign up, you'll get an email once a day for five days. And it's a short email. This is doable in you know, two minutes, and it's a short reflection, it's a gratitude, a very specific gratitude prompt that you can engage with, and it's a different prompt for every day. And then I offer a short prayer at the end that you can just pray to reflect on what you learned during that time. And so it's a it's a way to taste what gratitude is like once a day for five days and see how it goes. And the beauty that I know that people are gonna experience when they do this is they're gonna sense a shift in their spirit. They're gonna be they're gonna be looking for those blessings throughout the day. They're going to be noticing things throughout the day that they haven't before because they're setting an intention of I want to start practicing gratitude. And they're gonna notice a lightness and a shift in their spirit just from doing it.

SPEAKER_01 33:15

Absolutely. Gratitude doesn't erase grief, it doesn't bypass it, it doesn't dismiss it, but I think it helps us see God in it and how He is helping us through it. And I think that's a really big deal. I love that you're doing the five days, and I will testify that the prompts are super, super helpful. It gives clarity, it gets you to be specific instead of, oh, I'm grateful for my hot coffee today or the smell in the air, like the general things, which aren't bad to be grateful for, but the prompts have helped just go a little bit deeper, right? Go beneath the surface, consider other aspects of your life and what you could be grateful and thankful for. And what I love that you're doing this year as well, as women try out the five days and they begin to see the shift, they see, oh, this is doable. I gotta, I got it, got it started. I want ongoing support. And so I love Kristen that. Then after that, if they want to, women can choose to continue the journey for 21 more days, no matter what time of year, to continue this practice, which I think is invaluable for this busy season to be invited to pause on a regular base, have that inboxed reminder, going, okay, wait a minute, but what is good right now? And what do we have to be grateful for? And so I just envision women keeping their journal near their computer. Maybe it's a separate one that you start keeping as a gratitude journal and you just have it there. You do the five days, you continue on with 21 more days of accountability and support and intentional prompts. So that way really gets ingrained in you and it begins to shift spirit, mind, and body and becomes a rhythm that you're like, oh, I can't start my day without this, or I can't end my day without this.

SPEAKER_00 35:16

Yeah. Once you start on the journey, I don't think that you're gonna want to quit because it's it brings such joy in the midst of whatever circumstances are happening. And God just reminds us continually of who he is and where he's showing up in the everyday. And that's what's really been the blessing in all of this.

SPEAKER_01 35:45

It's where hope can grow if we give it room to breathe by focusing on God's presence, even in the small things. And I think that is just so powerful. Okay, Kristen, what would be the steps? So a woman is listening to this, one of our friends, and they're going, okay, yep, I need that five-day journey. I need to try this out, see if I can make it work. What does it look like to take those next steps with you?

SPEAKER_00 36:15

Yeah, there'll be a link in the show notes for that five-day challenge or five five-day journey, is what I'm calling it this year, because like the whole hearted journey. It's just one step at a time, one step at a time. Women can find me there. I'm at thriveineagram.com and I would love to connect with anybody who just wants to investigate what the whole hearted journey could look like for them.

SPEAKER_01 36:44

That's wonderful, Kristen. Thank you for offering that to the community front as you've listened to this and you've been reminded of, oh, I can't change the circumstance, but I can shift how my focus is on the circumstance and you want to grow in that. I encourage you to just take this invitation and receive the gift of accountability and partnership, to be reminded that you're not alone as you're walking through this. And we know that in this season, the best thing for you is to not just bypass the pain, to pretend it's not there or try to control it or run away from it. All the different coping mechanisms you've employed in years past or are prone to. I pray that this conversation has invited you to look at it differently and go, okay, I can find a new way through this. Now, I know that you can practice gratitude on your own. You can do this in all sorts of ways, but Kristen is inviting you a really safe, beautiful space to have that practice go a little bit deeper, to be more regular, to be more intentional, to maybe even be broadened a little bit than what your scope and sequence has been before in gratitude. So, friend, if you've listened to this and yeah, your heart's heavy because these next couple months are going to be a little bit challenging and you're navigating new pain, or maybe you're just navigating old pain, we know that there, we can testify and speak to that there's still hope in this season. There still is joy to be found, there still is goodness that the Lord is offering you, even in the midst of disappointment and difficulties. So be encouraged, know that you are loved and you're cared for and you're seen. Continue to walk in the truth of who God is and how much God loves you throughout this season and in the days ahead. As you go, friend, may you slow down, savor the moments that matter most, and make space for Christ to meet you right where you are. And if you need a little more support this season, you can download the free wholehearted gift giving guide or book a clarity call to help you find peace and presence in your own story. Merry Christmas! And remember, your wholehearted story is still being written.